You make me feel like I'm someone

The days that followed the tragedy she could scarcely think of without breaking apart had been spent curled into herself in their den or sitting just outside of the cave's entrance, staring up at the empty sky. The initial soul breaking heartache had begun to dull, but it only left an emptiness in its place. Leaning into Iroh and drinking in his affections only helped so much, no matter how grateful she was for his unwavering loyalty and love. She clung to him like someone lost in a storm, clinging to a rock so that they didn't get pulled out into the waves. She knew he was hurting just as much as she was, but she couldn't find it in herself to comfort him or do more than return his kisses. Her love for this man kept her head above water, but only just.

It had taken a few weeks, but slowly she was able to wake up without immediately thinking of their loss and found a way to get up and start her day without a struggle. This morning while Iroh was going through the motions of his patrols and routine, she forced herself to go out to the lake and give herself a bath, cleaning herself up for the first time since the night they lost their children. It was a moment of refreshing that she desperately needed, the cool water shaking the rust off of her and allowing her to breathe slightly easier. She had lost some weight from the weeks of being too lost in a drowning depression to find the will to eat and it was hard to not think of the fact that she'd be nearing the end of her pregnancy by now. She should be waddling around with a round middle full of pups that were going to no doubt be big and take after their father, but she wasn't.

She swallowed past the lump in her throat, pulling in a deep breath as she shoved the thoughts to the back of her mind, making her way back to their home so she could dry off by the fire. The days were quickly growing colder as fall progressed, the leaves around them beginning to shift into shades of orange and red. She settled beside the fire within their cave with a slow sigh, watching the flame flicker while her white and red coat slowly died in the warmth of it. She hadn't brought up her request to leave since that night, but it was permanently on her mind. Now that she was in a more clear head space she didn't want to press the matter, knowing it would mean pulling Iroh away from his family and everything he had ever known, but she hadn't stopped wanting it. She felt like a stranger here, Iroh's swirled gaze and warm embrace the only thing making her feel like someone that mattered. She smiled softly as she thought about her mate, her reason for pressing on even when she wanted to give up.

Elise Adravendi