Hate me for everything I'm saying

CODE © SKELLE 2021 & ART © ULFEID3 @ DA
"Speech!"
He knew it would be tough for Artorias to follow him into the den, though it was that little bit of trust that eased Grimshaw only a little bit more into explaining himself. He didn't feel that he should have to, though this unending tension between them would become too strong sooner or later and it was only a matter of time. Based on what he'd just witnessed, it wouldn't be long. Even if he knew the truth, however, he didn't have to accept it. Grimshaw held onto that small sliver of hope.

"I'm not going to do anything, I promise." Even if Artorias had put a fleck of trust into him, he still clung closer to the entrance than to where he chose to sit on a fur he'd gathered from the storage. He couldn't blame him, but Grimshaw wouldn't risk what he'd been given here. He waited to see if he'd come closer or not, but pressed on regardless. "Whether you choose to believe me or not is your choice, but it's the truth nonetheless." He started with a sigh, never before imagining that he'd be sitting in his den and explaining himself to anyone. Especially Artorias.

"You know that when Resin found me, my mother had just died. It was my fault, inadvertently. Had I stayed where I was told instead of playing with a cub, she wouldn't have been killed. Resin found me shortly after, buried her, and brought me back to the hallows. It wasn't long after that the hallows moved south, away from my mothers grave. I hadn't properly processed her death, and then we moved." He paused for a breath, keeping his eyes focused on his paws. "I hated it. I hated being so far from my mothers grave, regardless of being adopted by your family. I didn't know how to cope with it, with having a 'new' family. I didn't want a new family, I wanted my mother back. It wasn't her fault. It should have been me. After a time it became clear to me that I didn't deserve a new family. I wasn't like you or the others anyway. At best, I was a disappointment to Resin."

The pause was longer this time before he took another breath and continued. "I decided then that I would go back to my mothers grave and try to accept the loss and what I'd done. A group found me there, and although I did intend on returning, I... didn't feel worthy of it, I guess. You all would be better off without me. I went with them to try and find myself, but that was a mistake. When I finally returned to the hallows, it was on the day Ulric called the meeting to announce he was stepping in. After that meeting, Sirius found me standing at the edge ready to end the suffering I've caused others. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be here, or even alive." He finished, finally raising his silver gaze to match Artorias' orange one. He wasn't sure how much Artorias believed, if any of it, but he could only hope that it offered at least some insight as to why Grimshaw did what he did.

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