Ghost Behind My Eyes

Azure · 08-04-2021, 03:01 PM

There was the overwhelming urge to yell at her, to force her to see reason. What ridiculous, fantastical part of her thought that it was okay to break from her home and pack without a word to her alpha? Hanako wasn't stupid, Azure knew she could see how bad the idea was, and yet she had still moved in that direction. "You can't just.. leave." He repeated, softer. "You know the rules. Someone would come after you. It could be Sirius, or one of his lieutenants, or it could be me." Azure had bent a lot for her, but he would not risk his standing to give her her freedom against Sirius' and the Armada's laws no matter how much he may want to.

She reminded him of their fight that night, and Az felt his own cheeks begin to heat. This was not how he wanted this conversation to move forward. Casually discussing murder, torture, mutilation... that gave Azure no stress. Speaking outwardly of his feelings, of lust, of mistakes he'd made? Embarrassment was not a feeling he enjoyed. "I was being polite." He murmured under his breath, but loud enough she might hear. Azure wished he could leave it at that, but he knew that to just end this here and staying quiet would be doubling up on his mistakes. If Hana challenged for her freedom and earned it, they needed to leave nothing unsaid.

"Look at me." Azure commanded softly, lifting a paw to bring to her cheek so he might be able to forcibly turn her head from the waves. "You were under the impression that I purchased you, and I... I didn't know what that meant." They'd talked so little about her Keepers and the life she'd had before, Azure had avoided the questions except where necessary. "You told me once that their intention was to sell you as a wife, and then I told you that I purchased you and..." He sighed, willing the embarrassment he felt to vanish with the exhale. "I intended to tell you the truth when the time was right, to give you the freedom to choose me without some sort of twisted purchase agreement hanging over your head."

That memory of the beach came back to him and he grimaced. Az had lost control, it had been a mistake and he'd scared her. She just had been so damn stubborn. "You were in heat, Hana. What was I supposed to do? Accepting your affections when they might as well have been bought.. it'd make me no better then Kefka. I am a lot of things, but I'm not a rapist." On his death bed, Azure would still swear he was in the right that day. Overpowering her had been excessive, but it was something he regretted the outcome of, but not the action. "I meant to come back and explain, I just..." His mouth clamped shut, the painful reminder of how little she truly knew him urging his silence. Word hadn't gotten back to the Armada about how he'd gone from pack to pack, harassing and even trespassing on one occasion to find some outlet for his anger. He'd spent so long away from home, and had barely settled back into the tall grass plains before he went out to escort his mother to the frozen north. ".. well, then I died."

"Speech"

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