Ghost Behind My Eyes

Hanako · 08-04-2021, 05:02 PM

Azure stepped away and it was as though history was repeating itself. The scenery was right for it, the sand grainy beneath her paws and the tide rolling in, drawing ever closer with each inward sweep. She pressed her lips into a thin line, eying the sun as it continued its journey beneath the horizon, she idly wondered where it went next. And why it always returned the next morning. He was getting antsy, her truths were not what he wanted to hear and she'd known that from the very start. Always had. But a part of her did feel bad, she knew he'd always tried for her, set her apart from the rest best he could. It was simply her nature clashing against his, regardless of their feelings perhaps they just weren't meant to be.

Hanako also took a step back, testing the traction beneath her paws. She'd tried and failed to run away before but she knew better this time, and yet all she could linger on was the fact it didn't have to come to that. This wasn't what she wanted, at all, or rather the framing of the situation was all wrong, off kilter and spiralling out of control fast. Nothing she could say would appease him, none of her truths anyway and yet she pressed on all the same. What else did she have to lose? More than anything she just wanted him to see and understand. She wasn't pushing him away, if anything she wanted to draw him in and close and have the best of both worlds. But he just wasn't having it, everything she said brought out the worst in him. Hanako felt something akin to resentment flicker inside her, he'd asked for her truths only to spit them out like she was trying to poison him. She was being selfish? She was? Could he even hear himself?

"Does anything I say even matter? " She found herself asking, a hint of shrillness entering her voice. "You keep saying that over and over, that you care for me and want me but constantly push me away like I disgust you. Azure I don't know what else to do! You ask me to tell you the truth and when I do you just pull away like never before. You leaving forced me to change, you not wanting me forced me to be like this.

Permission. It always came down to that, didn't it? It wasn't that she minded, rather he was trying to have his cake and eat it too. Covet what wasn't his because he didn't have the balls to take it.

"Why won't you let us be happy? It's like you're so desperate to blame someone else when there is nothing stopping you from having what you want. What. Is. Stopping. You." She slapped at the sand with a paw, more like a stroppy toddler than a woman of her age. Go figure, no didn't sit well with either of them.

And then began the guilt-tripping. As if he even knew what Sparrow was capable of, he'd been gone for a long time, a lot had changed since then. But she refused to say anything on that, her silence heavy, like a guillotine hanging overhead.

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