your words in my memory

He did want a clear mind, there wasn’t much need for some hasty decision, but deep down he knew he had to do something. Duchess did put them all in danger, it was partially her fault Aslatiel was gone. Indigo never saw such treachery coming, he was blind to how far Duchess was willing to go. How much she didn’t understand the consequences of her actions. How much it would hurt him. He felt Emersyn’s distance and her sharp gaze, but he held it as she dismissed her question for now and told him to sleep. He’d get a better grasp on reality tomorrow.

Tonight he would sleep on her words. Emersyn did not hold her assessment back with any false pretense of emotion towards Duchess. That had been another of his mistakes, assuming everyone in the band loved the rest of the band as much as him and vice versa. Indigo listened, he didn’t argue any of her points as she gave him a valid argument to the position he felt he needed to take. Those were his children, and his fault, not theirs. He needed to bear the burden, not those innocent lives. But that also wasn’t entirely true, the whole band would feel the effects of this situation.

He could run to his father for help, but with Aslatiel retreating there it didn’t feel any more right. He could also return to the Hallows. They would be going into summer and he knew Ulric would help however he could. That was sharing the burden with the whole pack then. They didn’t deserve that either. So what was the best solution? He felt sick at the thought of harming Duchess or the puppies within even after knowing they could fall victim to a harsh winter.

There was no easy choice, as Emersyn stated. That was what he had vowed to do though wasn’t it? Be a refuge for the broken, the damned, and the unwanted. After all of it he couldn’t say he didn’t want to be a dad. He just hated it wasn’t planned like he’d wanted. ”You speak hard truths, but I’m thankful for them.” He told her softly, finally allowing his sapphire eyes to drop from hers, she hoped he learned from all of this. He had the hard way just like the rest of his life. He didn’t attempt to reclose the distance between them. He’d rendered a huge rift in more than one relationship. He didn’t take back anything he said to her though.

Indigo needed to sleep, his decisions could be made when he woke up. The time to get his thoughts clear and in order, and pull them from the fog around him. Indy quieted, gaze looking over the falls towards the camp down below. It didn’t look like a bomb had gone off but the real ramifications were yet to be truly seen. A soft sigh left him and he let silence fall between them. There was no apology he could make, nor forgiveness to beg for. There was only a better future, and better decisions, to be made.


Indigo Arcturus Fatalis