Ghost Behind My Eyes

*Hanako* · 08-05-2021, 10:15 AM

What even was the point? Sometimes Hanako didn't even know why she bothered, the one time she'd tried to forge her own path Azure had stomped back into her life and shoved her back where he thought she ought to be. He spoke of not wanting to hurt her, again, and Hanako's ears pressed flat against her skull. It hurt, not just the memories of how he'd treated her last time, but to know he was so willing to brandish it like a threat. To spook her into submission, till she was nice and pliant, eager to do his bidding. He claimed he loved her, but what version was he talking about? The real Hanako he'd forced out of her didn't seem to suit his tastes, but she supposed calling this her true self wasn't right at all. Conflict and turmoil, wanting the best of both worlds and being backed into a corner so that she was forced to choose. It didn't feel natural or right to push him away, this wasn't what she wanted, it was just the end result of two opposing forces colliding. Something had to give.

And ultimately she hadn't made a choice had she? Wanting this and that just wasn't feasible, she shouldn't have been shocked and yet here she was, looking up at Azure with her freedom slipping through the cracks like sand. And maybe that was okay, but also not.

Hanako said nothing, wouldn't even look at him as she directed her focus on the ocean. This was a mess of her own making, it was as plain as day, but she refused to see it. To admit fault like any reasonable person would. Her ears flicked a little, as if to barely acknowledge his words, and she knew that she had no more cards left to play. The ball was in his court and it seemed as though he had no intention of tossing it back, he'd hold it well out of her reach above her head and unless she played along there was no chance she'd get it back.

She sighed, suddenly feeling very tired. It was odd to describe, but her lips felt...pronounced, like she was acutely aware of the spot he'd kissed her. Like she wanted him to do it again but not here, not now and not in this context. Even Hanako realised her thoughts were convoluted, if she could take a step back from her own personal biases even she would realise how difficult she was being. Wanting one thing whilst clinging onto something else for dear life, refusing to let go with pouting lips and jabbing petulance. Perhaps fickle was a good word to describe her, that along with selfish, greedy and shallow.

Azure could do what he liked, she supposed, wasn't like she had much of a choice in the matter. Not if she didn't want to be slapped around again. She maintained her distance, didn't care to step any closer, but she would follow wherever he led. The consequences of her actions were drawing close, punishments and disappointed stares she'd flee from if she only could. Hanako made a face and wished she could be like the waves.

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