just say there is nothing holding you back

Mort didn’t know what it was about devotion that scared him so much. Maybe his family had been a little messed up as he grew into adulthood. From Azure pushing him off a cliff, to his fathers hot temper. Or the way it had broken him, broken him into a hundred pieces when Zee died, like his father didn’t know how to be without his Wife. Or the way Hana had shoved him away when he couldn’t give her what she wanted.

Devotion, in his experience, only seemed to break people. But Hika, who looked deep into his eyes and told him how Mortis was all the world he needed, and that terrified him. He didn’t want a stay at home best friend, he wanted Hika to challenge him. To stand on his own two paws, to forget to make him dinner because he was pushing himself on the training field. He wanted an individual that wouldn’t break if Mortis didn’t come home for dinner. Who wouldn’t be standing there looking out into the rain, lonely and sad over a cold dinner because Mortis was too busy to come home. But he didn’t know how to put it into words. He couldn’t fathom how to explain to Hika what he wanted, because he was afraid of what that meant. That he wasn’t looking for a friend, but something more. But how could Hika full that role if Mortis became an Alpha? Maybe the soft stay at home pampering style would work if Mortis wasn’t destined to become a leader, but he knew in his heart of hearts that that life style wouldn’t work if he ever took the mantle.

He let out a slow, exhausted breath. “It’s not fair if I’m your whole world Hika, when I can only give you a small part of me. The part that isn’t a brother, a son, a heir, maybe even an Alpha one day. A trainer, a diplomat, a hunter, and anything and everything else this pack needs. The Armada… the Armada isn’t a place that lets a gentle stay at home wolf with a big heart thrive. If that's the life you want, maybe… Maybe you would find true happiness in the Hallows? Instead of a pack built for war?” He suggested miserably.


"Speech"