The Broken Knight

This was one of the many reasons why Artorias loved Briar. She anticipated how he felt before he even said a word, knew what he needed and how to provide it for him. She understood him in ways no one else yet had shown they could. She knew of his wanderlust and longing to be outside without him saying a thing about it, and she'd brought him out to the gardens to brighten his day a bit. His heart warmed when Briar looped her forelegs around his elbow and brushed her tail over his hip. Even this little physical contact made his belly tighten, yearning for the physical affections two young wolves could show one another. Being bedridden in the infirmary had certainly put a damper on any personal time he could get.

"I still want you to know I appreciate it," he remarked, then settled in to enjoy the warm Auster summer day. It was so hard to believe that only a year ago, the world was caked in ice and snow from north to south. So much had happened in the span of a year. His pack's move to Auster, the endless winter, his fight with the massive dire wolves, his mother's sickness and death, his rise through the ranks to take over the Hallows, his relationship blooming with Briar, the Ashen tournament, their birthdays, his season of training with the Armada... Just thinking about it made him realize how insanely fast time actually moved. "Mmm it is," agreed Artorias with a pensive nod and a snicker when Briar mentioned him crisscrossing the entire continent. "Believe it or not, there are still some places I haven't been to yet. The world being covered in ice tends to prevent a lot of journeying from happening. But if you're up for a little hike every now and then, I'd love to explore them with you too. And I'll still show you those favorite places of mine too."

He heard the soft shift of metal and glanced down at Briar's foreleg with her, watching her shift the bangle he'd given her to and fro, a loving smile touching his lips. It was only a half year, but it already felt like an age ago when he'd given her that simple gift for her first birthday. Briar caught his attention and surprise when she asked if her mother had talked to him about a birthday celebration for her and her littermates. "Uh, no, no she didn't. Was she supposed to?" Briar looked a touch depressed by his answer, then explained how her mother had said she was going to, but how she also hadn't spoken to her mother since then. "Oh. No, I'm sorry, my darling, she never said a thing to me."

Artorias suddenly felt a little guilty, though for what he didn't know. He knew it wasn't his fault that Briar's parents seemed so hands off with her and her siblings, but it still tweaked something inside of him to see that she was so clearly begging for her parents' attention and affection and they were closed off. He thought about his mothers, how even Resin was open and available and loving. It had been her to plan the naming ceremony for them, and both of his mothers had planned their birthday surprises. Briar... she was crying out for attention and nobody seemed to be listening. It broke his heart. He committed himself to doing something extra special for her on their second birthday to make up for what her parents had failed to do.

The next thing out of Briar's mouth took him completely off guard. She wants to know the details of what happened to him. His heart wrenched in his chest and his stomach turned and already he was trying to think of what to say to get out of telling her the sordid details of his defeat. But while his mind raced to think of an excuse that would stop this conversation in its tracks, a revelation hit Artorias: he shouldn't avoid this conversation. He was supposed to love and trust Briar. She was going to be his mate, his queen one day. If he couldn't trust her with every part of his life, good and bad, beautiful and ugly, how could he say he was being open with her? He couldn't. He closed his mouth and swallowed hard, peering away to gaze idly across the courtyard. If she really wanted to know what happened to him, then he would tell her. But he knew that by the end of this, she would no doubt think of him as a lesser wolf. Was he prepared to expose his shame and ruin his image?

"While I was with you in the Armada, Gwyn was attacked by a wolf out in the woods. He didn't hurt her too badly, but he did terrorize her and almost drown her. She's been too afraid to leave the castle ever since." That seemed like as good a place as any to start. "When I returned home, she told me about this wolf. She told me that he had said he was one of my mother Resin's sons, and that he was wearing Resin's skin when he attacked her. The bastard had dug up my mother's grave and skinned her like a gods damned trophy. He told Gwyn that he'd come back for us, so I decided to get ahead of him and kill him first. I managed to track him down to southern Boreas, but when I thought I was catching up, he found me." Artorias paused to take a deep breath, vivid memories of his fight with Oxx playing back in his brain. "His name is Oxx, and he is my adoptive brother from Resin. He's slate gray and white, with dark gray eyes and a mouth full of wicked serrated teeth. If you see him, Briar, you run for help." He could not stress that last bit enough. Knowing that monster was still alive and roaming free somewhere in Boreas terrified him for Briar's sake.

"I challenged him, and I lost. He got the jump on me, and he fought with such ruthlessness that I couldn't recover. He had me down before I even knew what hit me. I struggled as best I could, just to stay alive, but it was all a big joke to him. He was bigger than me, stronger than me... What chance did I even have...?" Artorias' eyes darkened while he stared down at his own blue paws, trying to forget about what happened next. Did he dare to tell Briar the most horrific part of the fight? Did she really need to know that? "He... He said he didn't want to kill me, he wanted to show me how helpless I was against him. So he beat me into submission, bit the back of my neck and held me down..." A blue paw lifted to the scarring wounds on the back of his neck. "...and he... dominated me..." It was the only way Artorias could think to phrase the violation without calling it what it was. Artorias had been raped. He'd been shamed and broken and no matter how much he'd fought and screamed, it still happened. Gods, he could still feel Oxx's heavy body over his, mounting him, degrading him! It made his stomach clench and churn, bile rising in his throat, but he kept it down this time.

"When he was done, he beat me some more, then threw me into the Rio Grande. I fought the river to keep from drowning, but I was slammed into damn near every rock along the way to the sea. I was let out into the ocean and washed up on the Obsidian Beach a ways away, where I nearly froze to death. I'd sent Corbin out to get help before the fight began. He returned with Bowen." He hesitated, wondering if he should be telling Briar this portion of the story. His feelings for Bowen were still fresh, as was the shifting dynamic of their relationship to accommodate these new taboo emotions. He didn't want to upset her any more than he already was. "She saved my life. She kept me warm and breathing until Ulric and Eska arrived to drag my frozen ass back home. I don't remember much after they arrived, I think I was blacking out about then... I woke up a day later in the infirmary with my family around me." He turned his gaze back to Briar's, dreading to see what reactions she'd have on her face when he did. "That was where you found me." What would she make of him now? Would she see the broken knight for what he truly was? A weak and helpless child, like Oxx had said? A boy pretending to be a man? A joke of a warrior and a disgrace of a leader?

"Artorias Carpathius" | "Corbin" | "Argent"