Meeting you again

“I’m sure I can’t understand the specifics, but I get the struggling.”  The worst would Rudy had been dealt so far was from mom’s slow wasting away.  The sharp pain of the injury was gone but at times the scar left behind still ached.  Rudy would gladly accept countless blows from a bear to not have such a thing ever happen again.  He could understand struggling and some days being harder than others but, there was no way for him to understand what all she had gone through.  He didn’t know all of it and, even if he did it wouldn’t be the same as living it.  

“Some things are hard to talk about, they’ll hurt if you do.  So, if it hurts then you don’t need to speak of it but, if you ever want to talk about any of the bad stuff I can listen.” Rudy offered a faint smile, “I can be quiet and listen when there’s are a good reason.  If you ever need me its always a good reason.”  They had missed so much of their young life together but she would always be family and someone he would die to protect.  He would even be her personal wall from a rainstorm when needed.  The storm fit well here though.  No one was likely to approach and interrupt, and the mood just fit.  

What could he say to it not feeling like home?  There were no good words he could think of so letting her feel it was home would just have to come over time with actions.  Rudyard use to think the right words could fix anything.  A lot of things had happened the no amount of words would fix.  That naïve puppy bubble had been popped.

When she brought up the bear Rudy offered a momentary classic Rudy smug smile, though it was more for sure and faded after a moment to a smaller diluted version, “Oh c’mon Bo.  I’m not a leader of the pack yet.  I won’t die before that day happens.  I was just taking a good long nap.” There was a part of Rudy that realized death was possible of course but most the time it was easy enough to ignore that part.  Right now he was more concerned for family than a matter of his own life, “besides,” he added quieter, “No way I could stay asleep when you returned.  I’m sorry for worrying you though.  I won’t let it happen again.”

With his sister’s head on his foreleg Rudy lowered his head against her neck but not too far.  She was so small, he didn’t want to weigh too much weight on his little sister.  “You know,” Rudyd hesitated before adding, “I actually do feel really bad about that.  I let myself get injured and then I couldn’t be there when others needed me.  I was sleeping while the rest of my family was suffering at one point or another.” Gwynn, Art, Mom dealing with all of it and even Bowen though he had no idea she’d even show up again.  It was something no one would blame him for most likely but he could still blame himself.  It wasn’t really a thing he planned to admit but maybe sharing a bit of his own inner workings would help pull Bowen away from her own problems.

Rudyard Carpathius