It Would Make Him Happy

Briar noticed the way Bowen's caramel ears folded back when she talked about the time they would be spending together as long as the both of them were still sleeping with Artorias and she felt a little pang of guilt as she realized how that sounded. She hadn't meant that statement the way Bowen had probably taken it, but she waited to correct herself till after Bowen spoke since she didn't want to interrupt the smaller woman. However, it was her turn for her ears to flick slightly as Bowen spoke of her not minding if she slept with Artorias. She told herself she probably didn't mean anything by it just the same way that she hadn't meant anything by her comment about this arrangement continuing. It was just proving a bit difficult to figure out how to communicate between the two of them and she knew it probably wouldn't be getting any easier, but Artorias was worth the effort. He was worth pushing herself beyond what she was comfortable with and changing her entire perception of what a relationship should be.

"I'm glad you don't mind," she replied, even though she felt as if the sentiment should have been reversed between them since Artorias was hers first and she had allowed him the freedom to bring Bowen into this part of their life, but she didn't want to be splitting hairs right now. She was desperately trying to find common ground with her and didn't want to cause any issues where there didn't need to be. "And I'm sorry about how that sounded... I more meant that as long as I remained in this situation - not that Artorias would stop being with you. I know how much you mean to him and how much he loves you. I've just... had to readjust how a relationship looks in my mind to be okay with that for myself," she explained, trying to find the right words as she spoke them. She hoped that made sense. She had accepted this arrangement because she loved Artorias so deeply and she only wanted him to be happy, but she had made herself a promise that if the day ever came that she was no longer happy then she wouldn't let herself stay and she wasn't going to make Artorias pick between them.

She listened as Bowen talked about a friend she had reconnected with, a boy she clearly loved and had put as the most important place in her life. It sounded like this man was in a similar position as herself, in love with someone who also loved someone else. She smiled and gave a nod, replying, "I'm happy to hear you have someone so important to you." It was a bit of a relief to know that Bowen also had someone that was the most important wolf in her heart the way that she hoped Artorias would always view her, through it did make the thought cross her mind that if the tides ever changed, if she was ever replaced as Artorias' main priority, she would be left with no one and Bowen would have both of these men in her life to give her their love. She looked down at her tawny paws for a moment, her claws picking absently at the fur she was laying on while she shook the thought.

"I'm going to have to go back to the Armada soon," she admitted after a moment of silence, glancing up at Bowen again. "I know I probably don't have to ask since you'll do this anyway, but... Please take care of Artorias." She sighed softly and looked back down at her paws as her ears folded back against her head. "I can't tell you how much it kills me that I can't be here with him yet. This is the only place I want to be, this is all I want... But I can't have this yet." She forced a little smile onto her lips and looked up at the Carpathius woman beside her. "I'm glad he has you. I'm glad he won't be alone." She would be going home to a place that no longer felt like home and she would be separated from the one wolf she loved with her entire heart and soul, but at least she would know that Artorias would have someone looking out for him.

"Briar Zeitgeist Fatalis"