Its Hard to Say Goodbye

*Naiche* · 10-15-2021, 08:01 PM

Naiche had known his son loved him but it still felt surprisingly nice to hear it. Ever since he’d been apart from his real family Naiche had never had expectations of love from anyone. Asla had told him in the pasts how she did care for him and Naiche had told himself that was enough. He was not a weak wolf to need another’s love but when his son said it the words brought a small sincere smile to his face. How badly Naiche wished he could stop his child from experiencing this.
When Asla said she loved him though it should have lead Naiche to an early death right there with how it felt his heart stopped from surprise. The gold wolf remembered all to well how she had explained her heart had belonged to another.

Naiche’s mind whispered they were kind words said to a dying wolf to help their last moments be better. That didn’t sound like a thing Asla would ever do but it was a hard concept to take now. There was a moment of agitation at only getting her love moments before he would die. Given a wonderful treasure only to know it was too late. The agitation didn’t last long though, only learning now was a trivial matter in the big scheme of things. Asla truly loved him?

His vision blurred for a moment more as those tears filled up his vision before he blinked to send the salty teardrops sliding down his cheeks with the rest. It wasn’t just his son, Asla had also loved him. When had that happened? Naiche was dying and losing everyone, making them lose him and for some stupid reason he felt happy as it sunk in. Asla loved him.

Naiche had his crying son there pressed into him, rubbing his chin over the boy’s head, feeling the reality of his son for a few final moments. Then the numbers grew to include Asla and even Pan all surrounding him. The phrase ‘able to die happy’ would fit fine at this moment. Naiche didn’t have to choose who to make contact with now. His jaw rested gently on Arc’s head, his muzzle stretched out to press against Asla and there was Pan so cautiously patting his neck. They were all going to end up bloody but that hardly mattered.

Asla’s words of choosing when he was ready helped lead Naiche’s mind to where the finale would be in all of this. Eventually, this moment would end and everything would end for him. What else did he need to do before that? Naiche’s body was actually in a great deal of pain if acknowledged but everything else simply mattered so much more. Arc didn’t need to spend a long time watching his dad die though, certainly Asla didn’t need it. How much pain had she already suffered through loosing others?

Naiche’s mind recentered itself away from enjoying the moment, nodding at her words with a small smile, “I have no doubt he could someday lead a pack of his own should he ever choose too. You are both an amazing hunter, and a better mom than I ever thought you would be,” a choked soft laugh as he remembered their earlier days when she seemed that annoying sister instead of the wolf he loved now. “I’ve never enjoyed a fight more than when it was with you.”

That said his gaze drifted to his son, “Arc, I mean it. Whatever you decide to do with your life I’m sure you will be strong enough to achieve your goals.” What else? This pile felt so good, how had Naiche not wanted to be in a pile of those he loved before now? Too late. “Just remember if you say you are going to do a thing, you do it. Be brave but not stupid.” Naiche recalled some of his younger tasks and wondered about where the line was drawn on that brave versus stupid on some of his fights. What would Arc’s story be like? “If I can watch over you in someway from beyond then nothing will make me happier than seeing you achieve your dreams.”

It hurt more. Emotions of the moment and goals needing to be achieved could only hide pain for a span of time but there was nothing to be done for the pain, well, there was. “Arc, your mom’s gonna watch over you but I need your help too.” Naiche bopped his nose against one of Pan’s hands, giving the scaly head a little lick. Even Pan had tears in his eyes. “Pan loves cuddling and he’s not use to being alone much. He’s going to need you to take care of him. Take care of your sister, take care of Pan.”

“Pan, I could never have asked for a better companion to share my den and travels with bud. Make sure you give Arc the same care you gave me.” It was a short goodbye for Pan but then neither one of them had ever talked much to the other. Both had understood well to read the unsaid.

His gaze finally went back to Asla. “Thank you,” It was a thank you for so many things. For their days shared, for the promise to care for their son and for the horrible final favor she would be doing soon. Soon Asla would stop the pain and would kill him. Naiche’s throat constricted, eyes squinted threatening more tears, swallowing he regained composure. He had lived a life of composure and he’d damn sure die as he had lived. Tears were for the weak and he didn’t want to be remembered that way.

“Well,” the gold and bloody red wolf spoke out more clearly, a final lick and deep nuzzle of his head into his son’s fur, a lick to Asla, “Nothing to gain in just lying about.” That was a good enough cue. How long did he want to keep them all in a pile trying to put off the inevitable. “You are one of the bravest wolves I’ve ever known,” the words softly for her. How many could force themselves to do what she could? Killing an enemy wasn’t hard, killing someone you loved was as bad as it got.

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