Broken Soul, Reaching Out

Fern’s steps feel lighter, the conversation coming easily as she jokes with Rudy. She gives an exaggerated roll her eyes at his comment about seeing a pattern soon but the smile that follows in genuine. Rudy is a nice wolf and Fern had forgotten how much of a comfort it was to not have to be so on guard all of the time. For a moment, she lets herself revel in the feeling of belonging and safety that he offers her.

However, the feelings are short lived as they start to discuss how she is related to Meadow. It is easy to slip on the mask of indifference when referring to her but Rudy’s reaction stuns her. When the kind wolf stops walking, Fern halts as well, confused eyes searching him. His whispered words say it. The walls Rudy had been carefully chipping at slam back into place as Fern emotionally recoils from him.

It had been foolish to think she could reach out so soon but now she knows better. The cold apathy she wears is no longer a mask and Fern’s eyes become distant. The rest of his words wash over her but do not take hold, all the emotional attachments Fern had been making are quickly severed in that moment. When he asks if it hurts thinking of her like that, Fern’s chilly tone grounds out, “No.”

An ocean of disparity separates them and Fern does not know if they will ever be able to cross it. Ice drips from every word as she says, “You did not know my mother, Rudyard. Resin and Meadow may have been sisters but they were vastly different. Do not compare my mother to yours. Not all mothers are perfect.” The last sentence was knife aimed at his heart but Fern didn’t care. He did not have to relive a pointless death over and over every time he slept.

Fern’s posture is stiff as she glances back the way they had come, pondering if it would be better to abandon this fools’ errand. Cold gaze finds Rudy once more and she says, “Just because someone is dead does not mean I have to respect them. At least your mother never ran away.” Emotion starts to leak into her words as she mentions running away. Head lowers to try and hide the building tears as Fern bites the inside of lip to keep from screaming.

As much as Fern tries to pretend she immune to emotions she knows this not the case. And she hates herself every minute for having them.