Broken Soul, Reaching Out

Fern feels so vulnerable. The dredging up of old, unprocessed feelings with Rudy has stripped her of the façade she had carefully made. It has exposed the small, wounded pup beneath. All the harsh edges and indifference are gone and, in its place, is a scared, lonely wolf. Frame shakes as Rudy’s voice flows over her, offering a safe harbor in her storm of emotions. Leaning into his voice, Fern sniffles as he tells her she doesn’t need to apologize. A weak smile appears but, with her back turned toward Rudy, Fern doubts he will see it.

She lowers her head, allowing her shoulders to slump forward in defeat as she listens. Tears run down her nose and drip onto the green grass. When he is finished, Fern’s soft voice answers, “You have no idea how lucky you are Rudy. Your mother was amazing and loving. Meadow was…” her voice falters as she tries to express her thoughts without bashing the woman who had raised her. She did not wish to further upset Rudyard. When her voice continues, the words are laced sadness and despair. “She tried, Rudy. She really did. But Meadow was all about making the world a better place and that made things difficult at home.”

A paw raises up to swipe angrily at the tears as she adds, “Resin became some kind of mythical figure to me. If I could find her, then everything would be alright.” A humorless laugh rolls past her tongue and hangs bitterly in the air. After all that time searching for the one wolf who could give her direction in this world, Fern had found, instead, her child and the death of her mythical warrior. It feels like she is losing Meadow all over again. Fern knows she grieving for a woman she never met but, in her mind, the gray girl does know Resin through every story told to her.

Finally, Fern lifts her head and turns toward Rudy, her eyes glisten with unshed tears but no more seem to be falling. A small smile appears as she says, “I wish I could be as brave as you. I taught myself how to fight after she died only because I needed it on my journey here. Adventuring always sounded fun but now…” giving a small shrug of her shoulders, Fern continues, “I am tired Rudy. So tired.” His offer to rest and get to know others at the Hallows are enticing but she still does not see the point of her going there.

Carefully, Fern starts pushing the emotions back behind walls, building them stronger than before but she leaves a path open for Rudy because he has earned her trust. Shaking her head as the last of sadness slips away, Fern says, “I have never really been hunting with others. Small pray is all I have been able to catch by myself. But who knows, maybe I am better at hunting than healing!” The laugh is forced but she tries to show him that she would be willing to try something new.

Standing back up, Fern halts in surprise as Rudy mentions how he also watched his mother die. It had never occurred to the gray girl that Resin had fallen in battle alongside her family. Sympathy fills her eyes as Fern watches him. Suddenly, she steps into Rudy’s space and without thinking, she buries her face in the fur of his shoulder. The gesture is small but she offers him all the support she can give. They are so alike, two wounded souls searching for purpose and Fern is glad she allowed herself to be vulnerable with him.

After a few minutes, Fern withdraws her face and looks away, ashamed that she had not considered Rudy might also be in pain. Before they start heading toward the Hallows, Fern says softly, “I am here for you Rudy.”