The Beginning Is The End Is The Beginning

Rudy’s wounds are slowly starting to heal and Fern feels grateful that he survived. The kind wolf that had brought her to the Hallows and showed her kindness deserved to live. So, when Artorias had left Rudy’s wellbeing in Fern’s paws, the gray girl had taken the task to heart. She is an almost constant fixture in the infirmary, bring him food and staying long hours to talk or watch over him as he slept. Guilt grips her every time she looks him, thinking of all the pain and emotions he is going through related to the attack. Rudy needs to sleep a lot in order to heal, so Fern often sits in the furthest corner of the room, watching the wolves that come and go with silent understanding. Rudy is a loved wolf and Fern feels jealous of him for that.

When she did leave the infirmary to try and sleep, it proves to be elusive for her. The moment her eyes close, blood splatters the darkness behind her closed eyelids. As the nights lengthen and the sun refuses to raise above the horizon, Fern begins to struggle with paranoia. The short trips to get food or reach in the infirmary have become challenging as Fern watches unknown wolves line the hall and stare disapprovingly at her. When she passes them, the jokes they make about her causes Fern to tuck her tail and move quickly away.

At first, Fern tries to rationalize the situations. Since she only sees them when they laugh at her, perhaps they are just figments of her imagination. However, the lack of sleep coupled with erratic thinking quickly has Fern seeing enemies around every corner. When she isn’t in the infirmary, Fern has taken to locking herself in her guest room. Eyes will watch the closed door bow and bend as furious paws pound on the wood, trying to reach her. Her vision often swims in and out as she watches but wither that is from the tears that spill down her cheeks or lack of sleep, Fern does not know.

When she visits Rudy, he seems distant a lot and Fern’s muddled mind worries that he blames her for the attack. A haze has settled over mind, confusing her thinking and perception of things. At times it has her thinking that Oxx had been after her and Rudy had been hurt protecting her. Other times, that Rudy hated her for showing up weak and needy at the Hallows. There are moments of clarity, where Fern remembers the truth about everything but those moments are coming less frequently.

Right now, Fern lays in her room, drowsy eyes watching the wood on her door distort with each strike from the angry wolves outside. Lethargic thoughts wonder when the last time was she had seen Rudy. Days? Weeks? Maybe she should go check on him. Heavy body raises off the furs and Fern walks cautiously to the door. Taking a deep breath, she throws it open quickly, trying to catch the wolves that had been attacking it. As always, there is no one in sight. Sighing angrily, Fern steps out into the hall and walks the short distance to the infirmary.

Time has lost all meaning to her and the concept of day and night seem so foreign now. Stopping outside the room where Rudy is, Fern tries to blink away the fatigue that seems to have settled in her bones. Thoughts swim up from the murkiness of her mind as she readies herself to check on Rudy. When was the last time she had slept? Surely it was yesterday. Fern remembers closing her eyes but not sleeping, the blood-soaked darkness never lets her sleep. The last time she had slept was before Rudy had awoken in pain. Was that two or three weeks ago?

What her sleep addled brain does not realize is that it has only been three days since he woke up. Sluggishly, Fern shakes her head to try and clear the fogginess that has settled over her mind. It doesn’t matter anyway. As soon as Rudy back on his paws, Fern will be leaving the Hallows and everyone here behind her. Straightening her shoulders, Fern lets herself slip on the mask of disinterest as she moves quietly into the infirmary to check on Rudy.


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