shame me for my mistakes

Audra--this was Audra, she was sure--leaned into Avantika as she lay beside her. The desire for more water to surround her body surrendered to the peace of simply pressing close to her girlfriend. She wanted to wrap her arms around her and hold her even closer. Not to do anything, but just to cuddle and feel their heartbeats against each other. Maybe that would help to cast a shield around them. But she didn't. Audra pulled back a little to give her herbs, and she took them silently. They were bitter-tasting, but she hoped that they'd help.

Audra spoke again, asking if Avantika would still want to be with her when this was over. The question stunned her into silence for a moment. "Of course." Of course, she wouldn't give up on Audra. If it was about the eye, well, that didn't mean anything. Resin only had one eye, and she was probably the best fighter that Avantika had ever known. And...

This was a horrible thought. But Avantika couldn't help but think it, for only a second. If Audra were weak and half-blind, maybe she'd need her to protect her. Avantika wanted to be needed.

But there was another thought, too. "Would you still want me?" she asked. Sometimes it was subconscious, and sometimes it wasn't, but Avantika always felt that her job was to protect others. If she got seriously disabled, what would she do? She couldn't imagine having to rely on others without being about to repay them, and she didn't have any skill in healing or anything else that she could do if she couldn't fight. She'd have to live off of charity. It was terrifying.

"Speech"