you are coming down with me, hand in unlovable hand

It had all happened so suddenly... hadn't it? Or had she been half-asleep these last few weeks, ignoring the worst of Theory's symptoms and praying to her God that there would be some easy conclusion to all of this? A way out - a way to fix things, to repair whatever misstep she'd made. But suddenly Theory was unhinged, spitting and snarling at her and demanding her to go. She wouldn't allow herself even a moment to grieve what she was losing, she couldn't. Instead she reeled backwards and her mind spun in a frantic attempt to gain control of a situation quickly spiraling out of control. "Theory," Thalia snapped back, all of her frustration suddenly culminating in one swift instant. "You will not die here. You can't-" I won't let you, she thought to say but she couldn't, because there was nothing else she could do here.

Being called a coward was like a sharp knife twisting between her ribs. A coward. It was what she feared most in this world - being seen as spineless and afraid - more than anything else. More than being strange or different she feared being a coward, feared that her family would recognize her weakness and would cull her for it. Hearing her mention her God was just a sudden twist of the same knife, opening the wound deeper. "You know nothing, Theory Destruction. You know nothing about me, or my God." Was it rage she felt building in her chest, sharp and painful, or something else entirely? Nothing made sense to her anymore. She swore she felt tears stinging at her eyes but she held the tears back from falling.

Love wasn't something truly obtainable for her, she realized that now; it was something being dangled in front of her, taunting and teasing her, held just barely out of her grasp. Duty came first. There was no room in her life for love, not like this. "Love is not holy. Love is weakness," Thalia said finally, her voice distant and rehearsed, like her mind was drifting somewhere else entirely. Theory dismissed her and she clenched her jaw, willing herself to say something else but no words came. What more could be said anyway? This pain wasn't only Theory's fault but her own. She never should've stayed this long, never should've allowed herself these.. feelings. But what was done was done, and there was no mending it now. Saying nothing further she began the slow swim back to the mainlands, and before long back home. It was over.

-exit Thalia-