Are we doomed to repeat ourselves

Sitting next to Sirius it was hard not to think about how the last time they spoke had gone. Part of her was still ashamed of how she had acted, how she had let herself get so out of control and be so reckless with herself, but she also knew that she still stood behind everything she said. Every word of it had needed to be said—she just wished she hadn't had to be drunk to find the courage to say it. She gave a small nod as he told her how it was good to see her again, giving him another small smile. She wished it was easier than it was to return the sentiment, but she still replied in turn all the same. "It's good to see you too." It was harder to say that and mean it than it should be. Every time they had seen each other in recent memory it hadn't gone well. It always seemed to devolve into some sort of fight, some sort of misunderstanding, some kind of boundary crossed, and she hated it. She wished things could be as easy as they once were, but there was no way to go back. Now they could only move forward and try to change and reshape what it had become into something they could both be comfortable with.

She sighed softly after a moment, looking out over the edge of the balcony into the moon-lit night. "Here visiting with Briar? She'll be moving in soon, huh?" she questioned, giving a little glance toward him as she confirmed her own suspicions for what brought him here. She knew that this was a big castle and it was theoretically easy to avoid him for the most part when he was here, but she didn't want to live that way. She didn't want to have to walk on egg shells and dodge him every time he wanted to visit his daughter. Her ears flicked as she tried to decide what to say, uncertainly saying, "Sirius..." before her attempt drifted off with a sigh. He already knew where she stood on how things had gone with them and she knew the next play was ultimately in his paws, but it was hard to let her guard down enough to let that happen.

She was quiet for a few moments before she finally made herself bring her gaze back up to Sirius'. "Kane and I have been talking about the future... about trying to start a family," she admitted softly. She would be content whether they were lucky enough to have pups together or not, knowing that at her age there was a chance it might be too late to do so. "I'm only telling you this because I want you to understand that I'm happy and that I'm in love. I want you to know that and be okay with that so that we can be friends again." Whatever anger or resentment she might have had was fizzled out. There wasn't enough life ahead of them to waste time on grudges and resentment, but she also wouldn't compromise this happiness that she had found in Kane.

"I want to enjoy being a grandparent with you when the time comes," she added with another small smile, knowing that was something that was more of a "when" than an "if" when it came to their children. With how the two of them were all over each other every moment of the day and how family oriented they both were she was going to be shocked if they managed to get a wedding in for the two love birds before little Carpathius-Fatalis children started running around these halls. "Do you think we can do that?" she questioned with a bit of hope, her head tipped back to peer up at his face. She didn't know exactly how they would make it work, but if that was something he wanted then she could want it too.

Tamsyn Carpathius