Crocodile tears

Fern watches Rudy drive the crocodile away, aqua gaze filled with concern as he chases the creature into the water. Somehow, by some miracle, Rudy gets away without a scratch. Heaving a sigh of relief, the gray girl hears Rudy’s sigh and turns to look at him. For a moment, she watches him, taking in his profile and the pink scars that bare evidence to the vicious attack. She remembers the worry and fear that she had felt as she waited for him to wake up. She remembers how his gentle golden eyes lit up when he promised her adventures. But most of all, she remembers his kindness.

When Rudy turns his head to look at her, Fern feels the dam she had placed over her emotions bow. His voice breaks over like a wave upon a beach, bringing with it a stirring of hope and belonging. Maybe he isn’t mad at her? He pauses a moment before apologizing to her and Fern just stands there staring. All at once, everything she has pushed away since she left the Hallows, crashes over her. Rudy… is apologizing to her? Why? Sure, he had bit her face but she had deserved it… right? The words he had spoken in the infirmary had been harsh but there was truth in them.

Looking at him in stunned silence, Fern drops her eyes to look at his paws and she sees the missing toes. Tears spring to her eyes as she looks back to his golden gaze, saying softly, “You have nothing to be sorry for Rudy. I… you were right. I am useless and I hate it. I… I… thought the illness was going to kill me and I didn’t want to bother anyone.” The tears spill down into fur to trace paths down her cheeks. Sniffling, Fern lowers her heads and says, “Yeah, I’m alright. I didn’t want to come back, I thought you hated me. I was fighting a bear and…” she shakes her head as her voice fails her.

Her shoulder is proof that he is right. She doesn’t know how to fight and, because of that, she is useless. Clearing her throat, she turns her head away as the tears continue to fall. Her voice shakes as she says, “I didn’t think you wanted me back. I thought…” voice trails off as she tries to think of how to word what she really thought. That it would be best if she just disappeared and died? She can’t put that on him. Instead she sniffs and lifts her head once more to meet his golden gaze. She says, “I didn’t mean to worry you, Rudy. I have missed you so much. The illness did… strange things to my mind. I am sorry… for everything.”

Aqua eyes plead with him to forgive her. Fern has wanted a place to call home for so long and, if Rudy doesn’t mind, she would like to call the Hallows home.


"Fern"