I've Got Fire In My Soul

Fern sits out in the garden, enjoying the warmth the sun offers. Eyes closed, she hums softly to herself, thinking of how much her luck has changed. Her hurried return to Hallows had been born of necessity but what she has found since her return… well, it boggles her mind. For so long Fern has hated herself, thought that everything she does is wrong and that she is a failure. Yet, here the gray girl has found forgiveness, family… and love. Fern’s heart thumps a little harder at the thought of Rudyard. Fear had made her stay away, fear of his anger and of him loathing her had caused Fern to stay far away, even when she needed them most.

A heavy sigh is released as she opens her eyes, blinking away the dark spots that dance in her vision for a moment. So much happened in such a short amount of time and it thrills and terrifies Fern all at once. Part of wants to run, to escape this dream-like happiness she has found herself in. That way nothing will shatter it. If she leaves, this place and these wolves, they will forever remain a joyful memory. And yet, that is all they will be; a memory. The unknown is scary and Fern is afraid of losing Rudy already. He speaks of hunting down Oxx and making him pay for everything he has done… and that makes her worry even more.

His scars are still there, wounds not only on his flesh but in Rudy’s heart. Rudyard is strong and has thrown himself into training, determined to beat the demon that haunts him. And Fern? Fear, doubt, and worthlessness pull at her, tugging her in a million directions all at once. If she runs, she can protect herself from pain to come. From the worried filled days and tear-filled nights. From the happiness and love. From… everything good that has ever happened to her. Fern huffs an angry sigh at herself trying to understand why she feels this way.

Suddenly, like a ray sun peeking out from behind the clouds, Fern realizes that is more like Meadow than she thinks. Fern had thought Meadow was weak. That Meadow had ran. And in the end, Meadow died sad and alone. Sadness fils her chest as she truly understands her mother’s hesitation and fear. It was a way to protect her gentle soul from all the bad things in the world. After all, they can’t happen if you don’t give them the chance to. Yet, in removing herself from the picture, Meadow also lost the opportunity to find happiness and joy. To let those she loved, surprise and astonish her.

Fern will not make the same mistake. Standing up, Fern tips her head back to call for Artorias. She requests his presence when he is available and lowers her head when she is done. For once, there is no fear in her voice. For once in her life, Fern knows exactly what she wants to do and she is going to ask for it.


"Fern"