I've Got Fire In My Soul

Fern spoke with such conviction of her desires, and her wish was one Artorias had seen coming from a mile away. Of course Fern was going to want to join the Hallows; he'd expected such a thing from the moment Rudy brought her back here during the Long Night. And with the influx of new members recently, why shouldn't she want to stay? The Hallows was rapidly expanding, and pretty soon they'd be running out of bedrooms in the castle! But before he could answer her request, Fern said she needed to explain why she wanted to stay. Artorias raised a curious brow and tilted his head when she gestured for him to have a seat, and Artorias realized he was in for a ride. "Oh boy, that bad, huh...?" he said with a little tease in his smirk while he followed Fern's request and reclined back to his haunches beside the monochromatic fae.

All the while Fern spoke and told him of her life, the young Aegis listened with keen and attentive ears. He soaked up her tale, internalizing every detail she shared with him about her birth and childhood, about her mother Meadow, about the instability and uncertainty she grew up knowing. His bright amber eyes darkened a touch when she spoke of Meadow's death and how it had impacted her, changed her, but also gave her purpose and direction. It was hard for Artorias to maintain a stoic expression when Fern spoke about Resin. Even now, with a year's worth of healing, the scars he felt on his heart for his departed mother still hurt as much as the day he'd lost her. Perhaps he would never truly get over the loss of Resin—but then again, did any child ever fully recover from the death of a parent?

Artorias said nothing for the entirety of Fern's story. He simply let her speak her thoughts and feelings, let her express all that she needed to say, met her gaze when she looked to him and glanced around the gardens when she turned away. She explained how her hope had died when she learned Resin had, then detailed how that hope had returned with Rudy in her life. Artorias glanced curiously at the smaller wolf, head cocked to the side. Was she implying what he thought she was implying? A smile grew on her face, her aqua eyes lit up unbeknownst to her, and she looked positively giddy talking about his brother. Artorias knew what was happening before she ever spoke the words, but they still came as a surprise to him. Fern loved Rudyard. Though there were a few blinks of surprise, there was no trace of negativity or disapproval in Artorias' countenance. Why would there be? Hell, he was sleeping with Bowen on a semi-regular basis. They had become so unequivocally close since her return, how could he fault Rudy and Fern? Love, in its most primal form, was love, after all, and there was no familial blood between them despite the title of cousins.

When she was done speaking, Artorias held Fern's cool-hued gaze for a while, digesting everything he'd been given to ponder. The young brute nodded his head and glanced back across the gardens, taking in a deep breath, then releasing it in a drawn-out sigh. "When my mother passed, I felt... empty. I felt like I'd lost my entire reason for existing. Everything I'd ever known, everything I'd worked for, it was all with her. Watching her slip away was the hardest part, but when she was finally gone, I was just... empty and angry." Artorias paused for another breath, casting his gaze up at the clouds in the sky. "I was angry that I couldn't do anything to help her. I was angry that she seemed to just give up, and so did everyone else. I was angry that this happened at all. I felt powerless, and that anger began to define me." Rising to large paws, Artorias stepped away from Fern to approach a rose bush, examining the brightly blooming red flowers closely. "When the anger passed and I was left hollow, it took my mother's words to remind me of a simple truth I'd forgotten. It's not the past that defines who you are. It's the choices you've made and continue to make. You're either ruled by your past and remain stuck in it or you make peace with it and you grow. I was ruled by anger, just like you were ruled by fear after Meadow's death."

Once he had selected a large rose, Artorias very carefully exposed the thorny vine and sliced through it with one claw. He turned the rose over in his paw a few times before clutching it between his teeth and moving back over to where Fern was sitting. He resumed his place at her side and set the rose down on the ground between his paws, fire-kissed eyes looking to his cousin once more. "I am glad that Rudy gave you hope once more. I'm glad that you found love with him—gods knows he needs someone to keep an eye on him—and that you want to be with him. But you need to find purpose within yourself, not just with others, Fern. You need to love yourself as much as you want to love him. Otherwise, you'll always have one paw out the door the moment things turn bad. And bad things are a part of life. It's how you handle the good and the bad that matters." He gave Fern a few moments to mull over what he had said. Then he slid the rose over to her, setting it delicately between her paws. "You shouldn't ever forget your past, but you can't let it define who you are. That's what the Hallows is all about—healing, growth, improvement. It's what our family is all about, the family you've always been a part of, whether you knew we existed or not."

As if anticipating her question, Artorias gestured to the rose on her paws. "A rose is a symbol of love. I'm sure it would brighten Rudy up to receive one from you." It was a subtle blessing from the Aegis that he understood their budding romance and offered his support. All of his siblings were starting to grow up and find their own ways in the world, it was nearly enough to choke the young wolf up. "So tell me, Fern Lark, can you learn to grow from your past? Are you ready to stop running and find out who you really are?" It was a heavy and serious question, but one he had to know the answer to before he said anything else. Fern had already run from them once. Was she truly ready for a new life and all that came with it?

"Artorias Carpathius"