My Head Was Under Water

Instead of seeking those without like Duchess was doing Indigo had retreated inwardly to try and survive. He was broken, and he was trying so hard to put the pieces back together and reimagine his goals and dreams. It was so hard after everything he lost and all of his relationships were broken or in disrepair. He allowed all of this to happen and on top of mourning his loss he heaped the guilt on his shoulders as he waded through the devastation of his actions and his choices. He ruined his entire life. He destroyed his own dream. He hurt the wolves that he cared about the most. All of them.

He hadn’t been with anyone, preferring to grieve alone or with Gypsy close beside him. There wasn’t anything he wanted more than that world back, those moments when they were a happy family, a group of young souls off to change the world. All they’d done was expose his weakness. Indigo had taken note, as much as he could, of Duch’s continued absences. He hadn’t figured out how he felt about it other than sorrowful again that the band drifted so far apart. Because he hadn’t been the responsible leader he thought he was.

Guilt was beginning to eat out the pain and sorrow, giving was from helplessness to anger. Mostly at himself as he relived the most difficult days of his life over and over again in his mind. Every night before he fell asleep. Aslatiel’s furious features, the band and their disappointed looks as they were told of Duch’s pregnancy. Losing those precious little babies..

He tried to shake the image of their burial from his mind when Duchess crept into the dark den. He looked up to her as she lifted her paw to press against his shoulder. He flinched involuntarily at her touch. Blue eyes lifted to her mottled features, it hurt to see her now. He told her he had loved her… and it was no lie in his own way he really had. But then she’d betrayed him like that… The first time he felt anger at her was that moment and he swiftly uprooted it and threw it away. He couldn’t harbor ill will. He festered with sorrow anger and hate would turn him into something he didn’t ever want to embrace. ”Duchess.” He offered softly in greeting, but didn’t reach out to her.

Indigo Arcturus Fatalis