Back to Our Roots

Her serious gaze in answer to his guilt brought blue eyes to her sharp dual toned gaze. She arranged the blame differently than he would, but Indigo blamed himself. Duchess made her decisions but everything she did was a representation of him, their leader. He should have followed up, he should have been more responsible, he should have seen her actions coming, but he’d been blind to everything. He’d trusted her, he loved her in his own way, and she repaid them all with reckless behavior. He tried to forget about it as Emersyn led him out into the green grass under the warmth of the healing sun.

Indigo sighed softly as he tried to focus on the moment. Being in the present, letting himself stop obsessing over what happened in the past. Trying to rid himself of the worry that obscured his view of the future. They fell into an easy silence, Indigo stilled himself, he searched for that inner peace that abandoned him. They walked slowly, the grass caressing their legs as they waded up to a babbling brook. Silence held them for a few moments before Emersyn spoke again, her dual toned eyes lingering on the flowing water as Indigo’s attention was captured by her saying his name.

He couldn't say he’d ever smoothed his inner turmoil, but as close as he was Em swiftly unraveled the state. He furrowed his brow but he did not interrupt her. He took in steady breaths as Emersyn first offered her apology and the explanation behind her anger that day. He couldn’t argue her words, maybe it had seemed that way. He wouldn’t argue now, what was done was done. But he had to fight for their innocent little lives and she didn’t see that. He would have worked himself to the bone to care for his family and his pups. None of that mattered now.

Indigo felt his chest tighten as he thought about them. That was the hardest part. They weren’t born, they never took their first breaths, but Indigo had loved them. "You have nothing to apologize for.” He was the one who was sorry, he promised her a life away from the slave pits and he’d recreated it. He tried not to interrupt with the apologies that she deserved, he’d failed all of them. She didn’t need more of his self depreciation either, he’d shown far enough of that already.

She went on. Duchess came up right after, Emersyn explaining further her thought process as she told about her own descent into madness. Indigo couldn’t be there for her like she wanted him, he didn’t know and couldn’t keep track of where she was, nor could he stop her. Still, the behavior didn’t lend to Duch’s credibility. This was everything he was avoiding and everything he needed to face but it was so hard. He felt like his heart was being ripped apart again, but if he didn’t weather it now he might not ever recover. Their family might not recover. He had to put aside his insecurities, his sorrows, his weakness. For Emersyn, for Duchess, for Segin, for Gypsy.. For their family.

”Duchess needs help… That I’m not sure I can give her.” He looked away sadly. He’d thought in the beginning that he could, but then she’d gone against his wishes and… ”Not when I’ve been.. When I am so lost myself.” Indigo admitted to her quietly. ”Emersyn I’m supposed to be the leader, I’m supposed to know what to do. I’m supposed to lead us but… everything has fallen apart. I don’t know how to get back to the way things used to be.” That was what he most desired, he wanted their family back together.

"Speech"