How can good memories hurt so much?

“We aren’t kids anymore, well,” chade had to correct himself, “we aren’t little kids.” His eyes were brimming with tears aiming to hold it back but barely. “Not supposed to cry.”  Not that he was acting very mature right now.  Ry was wrapped about him and Chade had no plans to move soon.  Ricin was the last tie he had to their happy past.  They were each other's only ties.  

Chade thought back more to dad playing with them.  The memories wouldn’t stop no matter how much he wanted them to.  The stories he’d tell, the nuzzles they’d get, and praise after doing something that had seemed hard back then.  Each memory formed cracks in that wall he’d built so well.  He pressed his head into the deep fur around Ricin’s neck, mumbling into the fur, “don’t tell anyone.” The words came with not just silent tears.  No, everything he’d held in was pouring out now in one big gush.  

Side-wrenching heaves of choked-up tears whines of heart-aching pain came from him.  It would likely be good for him in the long run but right that moment everything was terrible. “It’s not fair,” the words a choked whisper when the crying seemed to be working itself out.  He felt like such a crybaby but, at least it was just Ry that would know it.

"Speech"