I Love You, Flaws and All
Alastor
Defender
Bloodletter
01-16-2022, 07:04 PM
Alastor didn’t see the look of shocked hurt on Manea’s face since he was still looking away from her, but he did feel her paw tighten around his leg. He felt the gentle touch of her velvety paw pads on his cheek just over his scarring wounds, turning his head until their gazes met, staring sullen into those aquatic depths. She spoke softly and quietly, stating she knew why he did what he did, and that while she had been angry and hurt, she knew he hadn’t done anything to intentionally harm her. She recited their vows and expressed that she didn’t want him to be perfect and that she would still never want anyone else as her soul mate.
"But that’s it, isn’t it?” he interjected. “I had no intent to do anything to hurt you like that, and yet I still did it. I lost control so easily and it could happen again. I’m not whole, Manea; I’m broken and coming undone at the seams. You help hold the threads together, but it just takes a little bit and I’m gone again. I killed that wolf, I forced myself on Relm, and I attacked you all without being able to stop any of it." Alastor heaved a sigh and turned his head away from her, staring hard down at the ground between them. "I don’t know if I’ll ever be fixed. You made me feel right for so long, but knowing I can relapse just like that… How can you still want me knowing I can’t control that demon in me? How can you have children with me not knowing if they won’t be broken like their fucked up sire?"
In many cases, Alastor loved that primal, animalistic side of him. It had saved his life numerous times, exacted vengeance and justice on his behalf, given him some of life’s greatest and sweetest delights—and yet it had also hurt the one he loved the most. He couldn’t promise Manea it would never happen again because he didn’t know that for a fact. And knowing he couldn’t promise his loyalty to her—intentionally or unintentionally—made him feel broken and worthless to her. After all, what use did a queen have for a king who couldn’t control what he did in his own frenzied episodes?
"Alastor Mendacium"
"But that’s it, isn’t it?” he interjected. “I had no intent to do anything to hurt you like that, and yet I still did it. I lost control so easily and it could happen again. I’m not whole, Manea; I’m broken and coming undone at the seams. You help hold the threads together, but it just takes a little bit and I’m gone again. I killed that wolf, I forced myself on Relm, and I attacked you all without being able to stop any of it." Alastor heaved a sigh and turned his head away from her, staring hard down at the ground between them. "I don’t know if I’ll ever be fixed. You made me feel right for so long, but knowing I can relapse just like that… How can you still want me knowing I can’t control that demon in me? How can you have children with me not knowing if they won’t be broken like their fucked up sire?"
In many cases, Alastor loved that primal, animalistic side of him. It had saved his life numerous times, exacted vengeance and justice on his behalf, given him some of life’s greatest and sweetest delights—and yet it had also hurt the one he loved the most. He couldn’t promise Manea it would never happen again because he didn’t know that for a fact. And knowing he couldn’t promise his loyalty to her—intentionally or unintentionally—made him feel broken and worthless to her. After all, what use did a queen have for a king who couldn’t control what he did in his own frenzied episodes?
Warning: Alastor is an explicitly mature character for violent and sexual content. Read his threads with caution.
As his mate, Manea may enter any of Alastor's threads not marked Private.
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