Meet my new friend

Chade was scaring Ry, it was obvious and shouldn’t have been a surprise considering his reaction.  He had no desire to scare his brother but this hurt.  The memory hurt, the look on their sister's face hurt, Ry’s telling it without consulting him, Ry even knowing and having never told Chade before this moment.  

Hearing Ricin’s choked sob and how he had to shut his eyes and act submissively was just one new wound in Chade’s heart.  When had he last seen Ricin so upset?  Chade was the one causing it this time.  With a shudder, Chade stepped back.  It was hard to not keep giving in to his emotions but he had to.  His goal in life was keeping Ricin safe and protected, not scaring him.

Chade stepped back, making himself sit down.  Stopping his momentum forward, shutting his mouth for a few moments was the limit of self-control so he just sat there repeating over and over in his mind ‘calm down, calm down, calm down.’
“Fate, huh?”  There was bitter anger in the words, not anger aimed at either Ricin or Manea, but anger to whatever cosmic ‘fate’ had thought this whole mess up.  No, it wasn’t fate.  Chade imagined if it had been Fate’s decision Ricin would be dead and his sister would have lived in that moment.  Chade saw it more as having denied fate her option to choose and instead played that role himself.  

Manea was the leader and she did need to know what was going on with everyone in the pack.  She needed to know the present and Chade saw no damn reason she needed to know about their past.  Her opinion was more important than Chade’s?  After all their time alone that had happened?  It took effort but once more he swallowed back the anger.  Ry had enjoyed being held and wanted to drop his guard and do what kids do.  He had wanted to pass on their troubles to an adult to hear that things were alright.  He had felt safe and wanted to fully let go of all the pain.

Chade assumed it was that at least.  It sounded great, letting go, putting faith in someone older who would protect you to also protect you from all the bad things in the past and help make sure the future didn’t hold the same.  Someone to go to for advice.  Trying to understand Ricin at least helped soothe away some of the anger and let Chade think more clearly.  He still felt raw and wanted to be alone but that would come later.

It’s fine Ry,” Chade’s words were soothing now, a slow exhale, letting out some of the tension.  “and I do love you, and yes, that was why I,” he paused trying to find words before just summarizing with, “why I did that.”  Let the ‘that’ stay unnamed. “I overreacted Ry.  I’m glad you trust her enough to be open.” Chade swallowed a lump in his throat, “that’s good.  She knows now and doesn’t distrust me so, that’s good too.”

“Please open your eyes brother, don’t be scared of me.  I still love you and nothing will ever change that.”  Regardless of whatever Chade did when this discussion ended it was imperative Ricin not have any questions about that.

The surrounding area was creeping back into his reality again.  The sounds of nature about them and then the memory of Swift nearby wanting food.  He glanced towards the cheetah then back at Ricin, “you ok?”  He’d finish up this conversation, get Swift food, and then go exploring alone to clear his head.  The big question was if he was going to talk to Manea later.  His stomach did summersaults at the idea of bringing up the topic again.  Some things adults could help you with but some things a wolf had to deal with on their own.

"Chade & Ricin"