Fight To Keep It Down

Duchess leaned into him, holding his arm and grieving at his side. They should have been raising a litter of puppies together. Instead they sat there staring at overgrown earth, Indigo crumpled against Duchess. He’d embraced the numbness, he didn’t want to feel this loss. But he remembered every day what could have been. They haunted him, and even if their death had been no one’s fault he still hadn’t forgiven himself for being so naive about the woman who mourned with him. They were in this together, neither was blameless or guiltless. His acceptance of responsibility was why he couldn’t just let Duchess go. They did this to themselves, losing their relationship, and those tiny puppies… It was by far the harshest lesson he had ever learned.

Indigo lost everything because of his ignorance and weakness. It all overwhelmed him as he lay there holding Duch. Far too similar to how he used to. He wished so many things had gone different, the pain he felt was a physical ache that reached deep into his bones. Indigo had experienced rock bottom.

Duchess too. She whispered to him, barely able to get her words out. Her confession was one of love, but also a request. ”It’s not that easy. You.. All of you are a part of me.” Their pups hadn’t even taken their first breath but they had existed. He loved them, he’d loved Duchess. There was no way back to where they used to be though. They were just hurting each other the longer they were together. ”I can’t just forget.”

Indigo Arcturus Fatalis