Stuff that stabs

Arcturus had just finished putting on his bracers when Satira suddenly stood up and walked around so that she was facing him, making him blink with surprise as she sat directly in front of him and forced him to look at her right in the eye. His gray ears flicked uncertainly as he was confronted by his smaller sister with a firmness that wasn't completely out of character for her, but it certainly wasn't a side of her he had experienced in a while. Her insistence that he come adventuring with her confused him a bit since he couldn't immediately figure out why she was being so direct about wanting him to go somewhere with her—not at least until she went on to say how she wanted her brother back, pleading with him for him to not stay here alone all the time. His ears folded guiltily and it was hard to continue meeting her gaze, but he managed.

He didn't really have a good grasp on just how long it had been since his father was killed. He kept thinking that eventually the hurt of it would fade and he'd be able to get back to where he was, but that clearly wasn't happening on its own. Sometimes he felt a little better, sometimes he was distracted enough that he didn't think about it, but then sometimes he'd have a nightmare about it or see something that reminded him of his dad or the life they used to have and he'd slip. Either way, he didn't want to disappoint her. He didn't want to worry her. Satira and their mother had been the only constants in his life and he knew he probably depended on them a little more heavily than he wanted to admit, but he didn't want to keep feeling useless and helpless to them. He was supposed to be protecting and helping them and instead he just sank deeper and deeper into a hole.

After a few moments of silence he tipped his head forward to lightly bump his forehead into hers, replying, "Okay." He couldn't promise a lot without feeling like he might let her down again, but he could at least agree to going exploring with her. Little steps, small improvements. "I... I don't want to be like this," he admitted softly, frowning as he turned his gaze down from hers to look at his paws. It was hard to explain that he didn't choose to just lay around and do nothing all day or how even when he wanted to go do some of the things he used to be passionate about it just never really felt the same. "I'll try for you," he promised, gently tapping her much smaller paw with his own.

"Arcturus Citlali Indarra"