I Think We're Close Enough

His affections were both helping her and making her worse at the same time. She held her breath when he nuzzled her and held her tight. She had grown overall tense, it wasn't fluctuating. It was like they were back at step one. But she stayed there, she didn't move, she didn't fight. For Alastor and maybe for herself a little bit, she stayed just where he had her.

It wasn't necessarily that she couldn't, or wouldn't enjoy things. Just a general happiness was a rare occasion to her, and she couldn't even remember the last time she was truly happy. Everything had always been tainted somehow. She always wanted to please her father, maybe earn his affection. She was forced to grow up north while he remained close to Lurid. She had seemingly been abandoned by Rhaegath and her uncle. She knew that she wanted more out of her life. She wanted to be desired as a friend or lover, it didn't matter which or both. She couldn't stand the thought of being alone again. And there was a part of her that would just break and bend to stay that way. For once she was lost in her head with someone here, someone holding her. Not that she was so outward and physical with what she was feeling. Maybe Alastor could tell she was working through things silently. Or at least maybe he understood to that extent of the silence. She could feel all of the emotions he showed her through physical touch, but it was like she wouldn't allow herself to feel so valuble.

Her silver eyes softly opened but didn't look up at him as he asked. Emotions were hard, but she was open to Alastor. There wasn't much she couldn't tell him. "I want to be here with you, and Kichi." Very driven back to her young life it seemed. It was probably no secret she wasn't good at making friends. "There's no place for me." She didn't mean here, but in a sense she did. Overall she had never seen her life inside a pack, alongside someone else while that had seemed just out of reach over the last year. But her and Manea didn't really have a sort of common ground to live on. She was as open as she could be with her, but largely misunderstood. She had grown to accept the way she was and not take what others thought of her so personal. It didn't seem so easy for others to understand her. Relm was just as worried about Manea asking her to leave as Alastor was about her leaving.

"Relm"
F2U base by AshKatu