Through The Dark Side

Relm barely gave herself time to respond to him, but as he told her back it felt like a bullet to her chest. She only held his paw there to her throat for a few seconds in this bit of shock she felt, hurt even. And then let go to let him roam the rest of her. She asked him not to say anything, she didn't mean about the rape. She didn't want him to tell her that he loved her back. It hurt because she couldn't have him. She knew she couldn't. She couldn't have exactly what her heart told her she wanted as much as she ignored it. She'd never ask him, she'd never leave with him. No matter what else happened. She couldn't do it to Manea. She'd suffer the rest of her life like this because she knew better. Even from her fucked childhood, no mother, no family, just a deranged incestual controlling father that fucked her so bad to this point. She should have left when she could. She'd never be able to leave now.

Relm felt her throat tighten as Alastor asked, but it wasn't because of what would be more clear to hold back. She was holding back from the emotions she was feeling between the two of them. Not what had happened between her and Merrick. "Me." She spoke quiet and broken, trying to find her voice in the back of her throat. Her voice rose as she went on, raw emotion coming out into cries as she went on. Her eyes shot back up to look at his while her body spun around in the water to face him. "I did this. I told you not to say anything Alastor!" She ran quickly into her sentences because her heart was racing. She grit her teeth as her tear filled eyes closed, maybe he could feel the conflict within her. This time not only because of what he said, but because of who had actually hurt her. It was both, she was fighting with herself in her head.

"It's you Alastor, I fucking need you I need-" She started shaking from everything she was feeling, here at the lake where it just seemed like everything needed to happen in her life. "I can't make it fucking work with anyone else. I've fucking tried." Her breath quivered out quickly in a heavy sigh, in a way Alastor may have never seen her before. He may have still been crazed, demanding to know. She didn't want him to though. She wouldn't put it on Merrick, as much as he may have actually hurt her in more than one way. She'd stand by her belief that everything was her fault. She thought she wanted it, she did. But because of the way she was feeling afterwards she couldn't hide it from Alastor. He knew her, he could see right through her. More than anyone. She believed she did this to herself, but she hated it either way. She was going to be stuck here like this forever because of what she couldn't have with him.

"Relm"