Shattered

Artorias completed the description of the mountain lake where she'd been and a shudder tore through her. How could he know? There wasn't time to ask. She told him what she needed and he didn't take it well. There was a sudden coldness in his embrace. Defeat, if she had to give it a name. Artorias drew back, releasing her from his protective arms and Bowen had to fight back a sob.

During all of this, she hadn't let go of Briar's paw, needing the comfort of them both at that moment. Artorias spoke of wants and the caramel woman shook her head. "It's not what I want. I don't want this at all, Artorias." Tear filled eyes met his face as she fought for words. "It's not what I want, it's what I need." Bowen looked from Artorias to Briar. "You don't deserve this. Neither of you deserve... this." She gestured broadly to herself. "I have no control. I can't cope with anything." The tiny fae sighed, her voice squeaking as emotion ate her alive. "I can't keep bringing you down. I can't keep relying on you when nothing is going to solve this problem other than myself." No matter how much Artorias loved her, Bowen couldn't be fixed by him, nor by anyone else. She was the problem and she needed to fix it.

Briar suggested her father's pack and it seemed as good a place as any. Bowen nodded in acceptance. She would go to the Armada and work on herself. Not having Artorias to be her security blanket would force her to learn how to deal with herself. Being trapped with her own thoughts and emotions would either force her to work it out or it would break her.

Bowen released Briar's paw, giving her full attention to her dejected brother. "Don't," she told him, shaking her crown once more. "Don't feel like this is your fault or like you've failed me." She knew how he was. He couldn't save everyone and she was proof. Bowen had to be the one to save herself. "I love you, Artorias Carpathius. I always will. When I return, I'll love you just as much." An unspoken promise to return hung in the air between them. The smaller woman looked again towards the larger fae. "I should be able to travel with your father after the wedding." Bowen then surprised herself, moving forward to embrace Briar. She whispered to the antlered woman, "Don't let him beat himself up." And more loudly she said, "Thank you. I'm sorry for all of this." She didn't know what else to say so Bowen simply hung her head and padded towards the door. She didn't know if Artorias would want to touch her again or not. Not after he'd released her in that manner after her decision to leave.

"Bowen"