The Worst Outcome

The nod of her head gave him some false hope, already ready to jump out of this bed and go on whatever journey getting the herbs she needed required, but the look on her face when her stunning emerald eyes met his made him pause and he listened as she explained what they could do. Medicines she could take to end this pregnancy now, but with high risks attached. He tried to keep his expression neutral as she explained how this treatment did sometimes irreparable damage to the faes that took it, making it so they could never bear children again. He did his very best to not let it show how his heart sank, but it was inevitable and he knew she would be able to see the way his brows furrowed and the tension in his shoulders slumped slightly with the weight of the decision that hung in the balance between them.

His ice blue eyes drifted, glancing down at her stomach where her paws were crossed over her torso, clutching around herself. He hadn't even considered whether or not he would even want pups one day. It felt like they had only just begun their relationship and he was still trying to navigate all the intricacies of being in a serious relationship. Hell, he had just admitted his feelings to her less than a season ago. Now he was suddenly confronted with the possibility of never even having the choice. He thought about his own father, how even with all of his flaws he had always put his children ahead of pretty much anything else in his life and had loved being a father more than anything. Was that something he wanted to risk giving up? Was it really even his choice to make?

Her strained voice brought his gaze back up to hers and he was met with her pleading, lost gaze that tore him apart. He wanted so desperately to just be able to fix everything, to make everything right again, but he couldn't. No matter which way they went there was the possibility of some kind of awful heartache that he was powerless to prevent. He hesitated for a long moment, searching her face with a soft, shaky sigh. His paw brushed her cheek again as he leaned forward and gently kissed her nose. "I... I can't ask you to carry these pups and put yourself through that kind of pain just to make sure that we can have pups down the line, that's... I can't ask you to do that." His ears folded back against his head as he spoke, dreading and hating this situation they were in.

They were being rushed and forced to consider things that they should have had all the time in the world to think about and come to a decision on together and yet here they were, backed into a corner and forced to think about the rest of their relationship. He looked down to her stomach again, hesitating before shifting his paw down to place it over hers over top her stomach. He looked at their paws stacked one over the other on her stomach, trying and failing to imagine how he was going to feel seeing her belly grow and swell with these pups that she had been cursed with. Seeing her carry these pups for weeks and weeks, only to go through the struggle of birthing them and being forced to care for these pups that would be constant reminders to them both of where they came from... no, he could never ask her to do that no matter what kind of risks were involved. She was the strongest, most resilient wolf he knew, but even she had limits and he didn't want to find what those limits were.

"I... I think you should take the herbs," he finally said quietly after a long moment of careful thought. It was difficult for him to say, but as he looked up at her, at those emerald eyes he adored, he knew it was the right call. His paw curled around hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. "You are what's important to me. If we get lucky and we're able to have our own pups one day when we're ready for them then that would be great... If not at least I will have you with me for the rest of our lives... I will love you regardless of what happens, but I can't just sit by and watch you suffer through this pregnancy and... and whatever we have to do for these pups after..." He sighed, brushing his muzzle against hers gently. "Ultimately... it's your body and it should be your decision... Whatever you decide, I'm going to be with you through it all."

"Syanna & Ezra"