Calling Somebody
10-06-2013, 03:29 AM
Liberty vs Hajime Round 1
Liberty:CLARITY: 10 / 10 Clearly written. POWERPLAYING: 10 / 10 No powerplaying found. DEFENSES: 6 / 10 Ears pinned back, legs spread for balance, tail even with spine for balance and direction, toes spread for traction, eyes narrowed. ATTACK: 5 / 10 Two move attack, aiming to bite his face while also using the momentum to ram into him. INJURIES: 10 / 10 First round. No injuries. Round one Liberty Total: 41 / 50 Hajime: CLARITY: 9 / 10 I had just a few problems reading through this. There were a few places where some grammar/punctuation/wording checking would have been helpful. Nothing too major, but enough for me to notice. POWERPLAYING: 10 / 10 No powerplaying found. DEFENSES: 6 / 10 Back paws dug in, tail even for balance, narrowed eyes, tightened abdominal muscles, raising his legs to wrap around her shoulders. ATTACK: 6 / 10 Two moves, aiming to bite at her scruff, wanting to shake her by it and possibly pin her down. INJURIES: 10/ 10 Bite to the right shoulder. Round one Hajime Total: 41 / 50 Round 2
Liberty: CLARITY: 9 / 10 It was pretty clear. It just started to get a little muddled with all the weird angles and things going on toward the middle of the post. POWERPLAYING: 10 / 10 No powerplaying found. DEFENSES: 6 / 10 Ears flat, eyes narrowed, balancing weight on back legs and toward Hajime, toes splayed. Tail level with spine and toward her left to help with balance. ATTACK: 7 / 10 Multi move attack. Releases his shoulder and aims a bite to his left, lower neck area to attempt to press down on his wind pipe to make him pass out. Also raising up to try to hook her right leg over his left shoulder to help with her bite attack. INJURIES: 8 / 10 Bite to her scruff, possible tearing from him shaking his head. Round two Liberty Total: 40 / 50 Hajime: CLARITY: 8 / 10 It started getting a little bit muddled and hard to read at times. POWERPLAYING: 10 / 10 Didn't take off any points, but it felt right on the border of powerplay at times so just be careful. DEFENSES: 5 / 10 Ears back, eyes narrowed, tail out to help with balance, muscles tense to help with balance and support ATTACK: 6 / 10 Multi move attack. Let go of her scruff to try to swipe at her face and possibly claw at her eyes. Then going for a bite at her shoulder/neck and shaking his head to cause more damage, also pushing down on her with his paws. INJURIES: 7 / 10 Tears on the right shoulder and gashes on right side of the neck, tearing worsened by his own movements. Round two Hajime Total: 36 / 50 Round 3
Liberty: CLARITY: 7 / 10 It was kind of hard to read at times with a few very slight grammar errors and so many different movements, attacks, and angles. POWERPLAYING: 10 / 10 No power playing found. DEFENSES: 5 / 10 Eyes narrowed, ears back, tail tucked, tensed abdomen, jaws spread wide. ATTACK: 8 / 10 Multi move attack. Shakes her head after biting to cause more damage, releases him to aim a bite at his paw and crunch down on it. Then releases his paw if her attack on it landed to attack at his neck, also kicking up at his stomach. INJURIES: 6 / 10 Bruise to the face, bite wound between the shoulder and neck, movement causing tearing. Round three Liberty Total: 36 / 50 Hajime: CLARITY: 7 / 10 Again, feels a bit confused or muddled. POWERPLAYING: 9 / 10 Bit of a wording issue for me with how he "placed his left paw on her chest." Nothing too serious I think, but a "tried" might have been good in front of that just to avoid this issue. DEFENSES: 5 / 10 Eyes narrowed, muscles clenched, legs locked, tail tucked, toes spread ATTACK: 5 / 10 Holding his left paw on her chest near her neck, releasing his bite as she slid under him, aiming a bite at the right side of her face. INJURIES: 6 / 10 Sprained and bitten left paw, left cheek has gashes, brusing to the abdomin, tears on right shoulder and right side of his neck Round three Hajime Total: 32 / 50 Totals:
Liberty: 117 /150 Hajime: 109 /150 And the winner is...
Liberty! Hajime must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out. Damage:
Liberty- Bite and tearing on the right side of her scruff, bruise on her face, and bite would with slight tearing between the neck and shoulder. Hajime- Several bites and tears to the right shoulder/neck area, bruising to the abdomen, and bad sprain and bite to the left paw. Notes:
Ais: Overall, very good and interesting to read! I would just be careful with making your attacks too complicated cause it makes them hard to understand at times. Sei: Be really careful about the clarity of your posts. They keep getting muddled around the middle through the end. You had some good moves, they were just hard to read. - Shelbs |
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