Shattered

Artorias’ expression tried to remain detached and impassive while inside he was being torn asunder. Bowen tried to explain how she didn’t want to feel this way or feel the need to leave, but he didn’t want to let her go either. He didn’t want to feel useless and helpless to do anything to save her. It made Artorias feel like that young pup desperately searching the empty snow fields for her when she’d disappeared so long ago. The last time he’d lost her, she’d been abducted into a life of slavery and subjugation. If he let her go now, what sort of state would she return in? Would she ever return at all or would this be the last time he ever saw Bowen alive again? The thought of losing her forever crushed his heart and struck him with a pain he wouldn’t have wished on anyone. But Bowen needed this; she said so herself. How could he refuse her just because of his selfishness and possessiveness over her? He couldn’t. He was trapped in the worst kind of catch-22 and he knew it. A checkmate from which there was no getting out of. He would have to let her go and hope that fate served her far kinder than it had in the past.

Bowen wasn’t done trying to justify everything. Not that it would do any good. Artorias still believed it was his responsibility to protect his family and loved ones. This felt like the ultimate failure to her. He’d told Bowen he would never let her go again and now she was asking him to do exactly that. It was hard to maintain eye contact with her tear-filled emerald gaze when she looked at him without feeling like his heart was being ripped out. But Artorias held his stony expression, falling back on feigning coldness so she wouldn’t see him bend and break. She didn’t need that added to her already damaged psyche. So Artorias would let her go with as little fuss as he could, because the alternative was to breakdown and he couldn't let himself fall like that for her. He had to stay the course and remain strong for the Hallows as their Aegis—no matter how much he wanted to drop everything to help his sister.

At Briar's suggestion of Bowen going to the Armada for a time, Artorias seemed to visibly relax some. That was a good idea. At least this way he would know Bowen was safe, had the resources she'd need to survive and heal, and at least have the comfort in knowing where she was. Artorias' dour introspection was disturbed momentarily when he heard Bowen plead for him to not blame himself or feel like he failed her, but the hard crestfallen look he turned her way told her it was already far too late for that. He didn't care about saving the world, but for one goddamn time he wished he could save Bowen. Twice now he would have been helpless to do anything for her and thrice now he'd been useless to his family in their greatest need. Bowen, then Resin, and now Bowen again... How many more times would he fail and watch his family fall or wither away? Would Tamsyn be next? Gwynevere? Rudyard? How would he manage to be incapable of helping any of them next?

Artorias said nothing while he collected all of his dark thoughts up within himself, falling back into the quiet brooding that he did when faced with such impossibility. She told him she loved him, and though he did not doubt her words, there was a chilling sort of finality to it. That was exactly what had happened with their mother—she had told him she loved him in her last day of lucidity with him, and then she had died. This felt too much like that, too much like he was watching Bowen disappear all over again. If he clung on, she'd perish within her own mind. If he let her go, there was no guarantee they'd ever see one another again. But what choice did he have. Artorias just stared blankly at the ground while Bowen hugged Briar, then nodded his head in silence when she thanked them and apologized again. Then she went to leave.

"Bowen." Artorias' voice cut hard and authoritative through the quiet as she neared the door. The Carpathian brute rose to his paws and closed the distance between them once more, pausing when upon her to take her in. He studied her features, her brilliant green eyes, the way her russet eye markings swooped around the delicate feminine curve of her cheeks and banded around her neck, those two cute little caramel markings just beneath her right eye, every little detail that made her Bowen. He was losing her, but he'd keep her alive in his memory, just in case... He opened his mouth, but no words came out, failing and dying on his tongue. Eventually the young wolf just closed his mouth and lifted an azure paw, reaching forward with some hesitance to touch and caress her cheek with gentle paw pads. He didn't know if he should be too emotional with her right now if she needed this clean break. Making things messy... that might only hurt them both more. But he didn't want to let her leave thinking her brother hated her. After a few moments of silence, Artorias dropped his paw from her cheek, giving her a despondent nod before pulling away to let her leave.

"Artorias Carpathius" | "Carpathian" | "Corbin" | "Eira" | "Argent"