Raijin, you ARE the father

Usagi

Usagi’s flames were briefly quelled by his brother’s arrival, big smile and fishy stench distinctly defining his presence. It couldn’t be anyone else. It broke the intensity kf the silent, if only for a few seconds, as even Kuroo was struggling beneath the positivity his expressions and mannerisms portrayed. Even now, hunched over and intense and brooding as he was, feeling Roo’s shoulder press against his own brought back a wave of an emotion he’d pushed so deep down the surface it had to crawl back up into his throat in the form of tightness. Sadness. His brother had taken care of him during his injury, nursing his broken spirit. He kept him afloat during their journey, through all the darkest thoughts and emotions they’d felt over the lack of father figure their entire lives. A piece of their existence, heritage, blood..lost. Roo was the only semblance of true blood, true family he had. And he clutched that idea so tightly he’d have rather died than left it go. Or let his brother go.

Usagi’s brow relaxed, the subtle clouding over of his gaze suggesting a shift in his bitter mood. That sadness. That painful, lonely, void of pure sadness. Sadness at seeing Sedna and Raijin’s pups loved by both parents, present in their lives with no intentions of leaving them behind. No sudden fling spurred by booze and drink that would spawn real lives, real people that had to cope with the fact that their blood-related father was never going to be in their lives, and had no care to.

Until now.

Forcing himself to swallow again, this time finding it harder like the lump that built, he relaxed his body, shoulders slumping. He briefly flickered his gaze towards Kuroo, finding his eyes watering. His thorn-wrapped heart tore to pieces at his brother’s shared pain. It wasn’t fair. This shouldn’t have happened. This conversation shouldn’t have had to happen. It wasn’t fair, wasn’t fair, wasn’t fair. His pain-wrenched glance was only interrupted as Raijin spoke, instead talking about the incentives he’d given them for helping to build the hut in which they now sat. Usagi almost felt disappointed, having worked himself up to a pivotal moment only for this to be the current topic. He just wanted a clear answer. Alas, his brother received the spices he had requested, and Usagi’s nose involuntarily twitched at the scents of their homeland. The names were vaguely familiar - dod their mother cook some dishes with those same spices? He said nothing, nothing immediately when the saber-toothed koi faced him with his own request. A favor.

Yes, Usagi hadn’t wanted anything physical. He wanted a favor repaid. Silence settled over them, a pause so thick it felt like a heavy fog obscuring their minds. The hohei had long considered the favor, turning it over and over like a stone in one’s palm. What did he want? What could he say? He knew Raijin had to confirm, had to say it himself. But he couldn’t stop himself from saying the one goddamn thing he wanted to stay in his life. He hated this man, his blood boiled at the sight of his tusks, his bob tail, his cocky mannerisms and scarlet-black splotching. But if he was their father, and truly was committed..well, then he just had to say it.

It took a good long while for Usagi to force down the lump in his throat, force away the watering in his eyes. But it was too much. What the hell was this now, why did he feel so sad on top of angry? Finally, with a strained, cracked tone, he faced Raijin with his pained mossy gaze that said the words he wanted to say. Don’t go.

"My only favor I ask of you is.." He paused, cursing himself for being this way. But the floodgates were opened, the dam he’d meticulously built for all this time had fallen, given way. A pathetically built dam could never contain what turmoil he and his brother experienced. The tears were silent, running down his cheeks in an unending trickle. The drops pattered the woven floor, one by one.

"..don’t leave us. Don’t leave again." No sobbing, no wild displays of emotion. Just a wide stare of a young man who’d suddenly become a terrified child, afraid of losing more than they’s already lost.

”Speech” ’Thought’

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