Ten Thousand Ways To Lose

The sound of Alastor's steps towards her caused her to raise her head but not in any alarm. She looked up at him when he was there, but too didn't say anything. It was always easy to be around him now, at least in ways that she didn't hold back. When she was looking at him it was with any raw emotion she felt. She wasn't struggling to put a smile on her face and act like everything was okay, and she wasn't turning to look away from him. As he stood over her he had her undivided attention, but maybe the ways she looked at him were too much. It felt that way to her. It had come to a point where she knew Alastor could know how she was feeling. And it were times like this when she wished she could shut them out.

Her ghostly eyes just watched as he went to settle down beside her. Pushing his catch towards her in an offering. "Oh..." her paws carefully pressed over each end of the salmon as she pulled it in front of her. "Thank you." Given her troubled feelings it could have been expected that she didn't really have an appetite, but for Alastor she'd make the effort. He wouldn't have to say anything or prod her. But it would be obvious how much she forced it as she pulled a few bites from the fish.

She didn't want him to feel... sorry for her or anything like that. She felt like they had some sort of mutual understanding, may it be unsaid now that they both knew the struggle between them. She had never intended for her emotions to come this far. Quite frankly she believed she was incapable of feeling this way at all. For others it seemed that way, but not for Alastor. And still she would have never foreseen where they were now. She still couldn't... allow anything more. As much as it may have been killing her inside. She did take her own vows seriously because Alastor had the responsibility of the pack, a loving wife, and children that he loved too. To her, she was nothing compared to any of those things. She may not have grown up knowing an ideal family setting, but in her heart it felt wrong for her to think... to ask. She'd still never dream of destroying anything Alastor had. And she'd stay just that way hurting herself without any protest.

She didn't take much, just those couple bites. She wasn't avoiding looking at him, but her gaze was down nearly looking through the fish as she felt this strange sort of tension not between them but within her. Because she would always want Alastor. It had been like that since the day they had created what was between them. Maybe a little more noticeable now of taking advantage of any time he was able to give her, or in the occurrence that she invited him. It wasn't necessarily what he did with her physically because she felt like maybe she could have a substitute for that. It was wholly how she felt about him, being reminded of what he did for her, she'd never feel this way if he hadn't saved her from Kefka. Her eyes finally glanced up towards his face if only for a second before she looked down at his paw in front of her. Her own paw lifted just slightly as she went to move it forward over his, but she didn't place her paw down on his. She was waiting for him to take it. And it was like every exaggerated second he didn't was building a new anxiety inside her.

"Relm"