Ten Thousand Ways To Lose

It was instant relief as Alastor took hold of her paw, even if there was barely a second between their touch it was like this build of tension inside her prior thinking that he wouldn't. It was strange to think that she felt like she needed it, she needed Alastor against her. It was so different with everyone else, it was so different than before. With Alastor she could be herself and she could be something completely different than she was outside of their relationship. She was not the same when she was with him, but almost every bit of anxiety and exceptions she felt of herself were washed away when she was here with him. Especially when he was now taking her paw and moving in closer to her.

With his muzzle lined up with hers it was more than obvious just how relieving it was for her. A quiet sigh through closed eyes as she leaned back into him. She knew what she wanted as much as she may not have experienced it before. She had realized what they had was not enough. But she knew there was no one else for her. There would never be a moment that anyone would feel like Alastor. Not physically, not emotionally. She'd never be able to have what she wanted. She was not selfish, she could have asked for more and completely destroyed the relationship they had, or destroyed what he already had. She couldn't. She couldn't express just how strongly she felt and how belittling of herself she was. But maybe that showed enough on the outside to tell.

Her own paw curled just a little tighter around his before she turned her muzzle softly to kiss him. She was gentle but wanted to urge him on. But the hurt and doubt far outweighed anything else she could show him. She barely pulled back from him with just a single noise, "I..." Her ghostly eyes looked up towards him, maybe pleading, maybe just too emotional to say anything at all. I'm sorry, I want you, I love you, it was everything at once. She did take every moment she had with Alastor as if it was her last moment to live, she could always cherish any time he had given her. It was a way of life she wished she could fully grow used to. But she couldn't. Maybe it wasn't in anyone's nature to do so, or at least that's how it felt with her because any life without Alastor was worse to imagine even with the disarray she felt right now. She did hesitate again but she didn't let go of him, she didn't want to. They were past an irreversible time and for her every way was a wrong and brutal path.

"Relm"