Goodnight, Sleeptight, Don't let the dead bite
10-09-2013, 07:14 PM
ODDITY VS. JUPITER FOR LUDICAEL Round 1
ODDITY: CLARITY: 3/10 ?As his jaws opened up he tried aiming for the left side of her face? whose left? His left her hers? (-2) ?His forelimbs pulled up as he tucked his shoulders to try and get a hold on her own shoulders.? Shoulders don?t really tuck, so it?s extremely difficult to understand what you mean here. (-3) Where on her face is he aiming? You mention in your notes, but not in the actual post itself, which is where you need to mention it. (-2) POWERPLAYING: 0/ 10 ?as he pushed his hind legs in order to slam all of his body weight into her? the way this is worded makes it seem like you?re saying he automatically slammed his weight into her. (-5) ?He was going to thrash her about as much as he was able to? same thing here. (-5)? ?Oddity used his body weight as much as he could to thrash her about and press on her to pull pressure on her.? Once again, don?t assume he was able to do this. (-5) DEFENSES: 4/10 Ears, tail, toes, legs, head tucked, eyes. -2 for not readjusting when he lifted up on two legs ATTACK: 2/10 He goes for her face, which is a vital, sensitive area (+5). I?m not certain, however, how he?s supposed to thrash around and manage to stay on her shoulders at the same time (-2). He does make use of his weight (+3), but the wording is rather vague about what exactly he?s trying to do with it (-2). It also places his throat vulnerably within range of her jaws (-2) INJURIES: 10/10 First round. No injuries. Round One Oddity Total: 19/50 Jupiter: CLARITY: 8/10 ?turning it and her neck to the right after she bore his weight upon her shoulders? Whose right? His or hers? (-2) POWERPLAYING: 0/10 Oddity?s bite attack on her face was aimed before his attempt to put weight upon her shoulders. Therefore, it?s not really logical that she would feel his weight and react that way. Therefore, it doesn?t make sense that she didn?t take damage to her face as intended (-5). ?The force of his momentum caused her body to rock back a bit as she kept her paws in the same place, only kicking her right hind leg a little further out? if her weight is fully on her front legs, in this instance she would not have enough time nor balance to transfer it to her back legs to help fix her balance(-3). ?She would try her best to advance in return with all of her weight being thrown forward and a bit upwards with her legs? similar note here with the weight transfer. (-3) DEFENSES: 0/10 Legs spread, claws, ears, weight distributed, tail,? front legs spreading just a tad as all of her weight was put upon them? honestly, this isn?t a good defense. Her weight should be evenly distributed across all four limbs for fair balance. (-2) There was no eye protection (-1) or throat/neck protection (-3). ATTACK: 5/10 The jaw attack is to a fragile, non-vital area (+4). Her use of leverage would be effective (+3). However, she could have gone for something more vital to Oddity?s ability to fight (-2). INJURIES: 10/ 10 Bite to neck (no deductions, first round) Round One Jupiter Total: 23/50 Round 2
Oddity: CLARITY: 5/10 ?The boy tilted his head and opened his jaws aiming for the scruff of her neck to pull himself into a better position of balance and to inflict damage.? Several things are off with this. One, when did he even release her? Two, where on her scruff is he aiming to bite? (-5) POWERPLAYING: 0/10 ?his front muscles tightened his paws on her shoulders? You can?t assume his paws were able to tighten upon her shoulders. (-5) ?Pressing as hard as he could to taste blood if he could.? Don?t assume he was able to grab her scruff again (-5). You also never really explained why he didn?t lose his balance (-5). DEFENSES: 2/10 Tail, legs, eyes, ears, claws. -3 for no neck defenses. ATTACK: 1/ 10 One claw attack to the shoulders (+1). Claw attacks really aren?t effective on wolves; wolf claws are dull, and wolf fur is thick, and it?s not really realistic that Oddity could keep any sort of grip upon Jupiter with them (-2). One jaw attack towards her scruff, which is vital (+4). However, his head is presumably still to Jupiter?s left, so turning his head to the right to get to her scruff doesn?t make much sense (-2). His jaws would be tilted away from her. INJURIES: 7/10 Deep bite wound to scar tissue on shoulder (-3) Round Two Oddity Total: 15/50 Jupiter: CLARITY: 2/10 ?he cycle of her legs on the initial push came to an end and she used this to lunge forward once more? This sentence really doesn?t make much sense. (-2) ?She focused her weight backwards, slowing her momentum slightly but making it so that she could plan for coming to a halt should he end up beneath her.? You say she?s moving back here, but then later on you say she?s moving forwards? ?Oddity's jaws, however found mostly flexible fat with the scrunching of her neck.? How much damage did his jaws do? (-2) POWERPLAYING: 0/ 10 ?the cycle of her legs on the initial push came to an end and she used this to lunge forward once more? (-3) There?s no mention of her touching down on the ground, and even if she had, touching down and then immediately moving doesn?t seem highly possible. (-2) Doing two jaw attacks in this post isn?t fair. You need to give Oddity time to react to the first one before going on to the second one. (-3) Her moving forwards and back is also too much movement. (-3) DEFENSES: 7/10 Stance, tail, shoulders, neck scrunched, ears, eyes, weight ATTACK: 5/ 10 Two jaw attacks to a nonvital scarred area (+4). Honestly, it?s rather redundant, and the shoulder area would hurt, but she could be going for things more likely to end the fight and affect his functionality (-2). Use of weight advantage against a smaller opponents is present (+3), but it?s confusing and the number of attacks attempted is a bit pp?ish (see deductions in clarity and powerplay). INJURIES: 6/10 Bite/grip to scruff (more heavily deducted than oddity?s injury because the neck area is more fragile and vital, and a grip there would pose more of a threat to Jupiter) Round Two Jupiter Total: 20/50 Round 3
Oddity: CLARITY: 8/ 10 ?His weight was not moving with him? This really does not make sense. (-2) ?He moved his forelimbs lower in order to finish his movements.? POWERPLAYING: 0/10 ?As soon as she tore more he slid underneath her but kept his firm grip on the back of her neck.? Don?t assume he?s able to get beneath her (-3). Also, it?s incredibly unrealistic that he?d be able to be beneath her, and holding onto the scruff of her neck at the same time (-4). ?Oddity pushed his forelimbs up on her chest to try and keep her from pressing her weight upon him? don?t assume he?s able to do this (-5). Don?t? assume he?s pressing against her, or his head is able to pull to her left limb. You must use an attempt word with everything you try. Honestly, it?s seeming that it?s a bit much that he?d be able to kick up so soon after landing upon his back. DEFENSES: 0/10 Jaws, tail, eyes, ears. Honestly, his throat is extremely vulnerable in this position, and really needs protection (-5). ATTACK: 5/10 Appropriate attacks considering his vulnerable position (+5). INJURIES: 6/ 10 Torn scar from his shoulder (-4) Round Three Oddity Total: 17/ 50 Jupiter: CLARITY: 5/10- ?iguring that her tail would not be enough to protect her, she lightly pivoted her body past parallel and barely facing her left, both hind legs minutely to Oddity's left side.? Honestly, this does not make sense. What do you mean ?past parallel?? Parallel to what? (-3) To what extent was the damage to her paw? (-2) POWERPLAYING: 5/10 You never mentioned why Oddity?s head movement didn?t knock her off balance. Yes, she readjusted, but his head movement would still have affected her significantly. (-5) DEFENSES: 2/10 Balance, ears, tail, eyes, toes. -3 no neck defenses. ATTACK: 5/10 A single attack to a vital area that would be painful and potentially crippling (+5). However, Jupiter has a heavy advantage in her position, even with her paw captured. She should have done more (-2). INJURIES: 6/ 10 Grip/damage to paw (-4) Round Three Jupiter Total: 23/50 Round 4
Oddity: CLARITY: 0/ 10 ?Twisting and squirming himself, Oddity lifted up his right shoulder towards her lowered chest. His back paws, after missing his kick, came to his side and scraped into the dirt? How are his legs touching the ground? You say he?s twisting and squirming, but mention nothing about him turning over (-4). It?s also not clear about how he?s able to keep a grip upon her paw (-3), or how her grip managed to stay attached as he twisted (-3). POWERPLAYING: 0/10 ?His tail flailing in the dirt behind him, he tugged to the left onto her paw.? There should be an attempt here (-5). ?if of course Jupiter allowed him to, or if he had enough time to? Don?t use conditionals. (-3). In general there is a lot of movement in this post that isn?t really fair to Jupiter as it doesn?t give her time to react (-4). ?he viciously pressed up with all of his might to over throw her? Same thing here, you need an attempt phrase. (-5) DEFENSES: 6/10 Ears, neck, shoulders, eyes, toes, tail. ATTACK: 7/10 Use of leverage (+3), use of jaws on captured/vulnerable area (+4) INJURIES: 6/ 10 Grip/punctures on his nose (-4) Round Four Oddity Total: 19/ 50 Jupiter: CLARITY: 0/10 ?keeping the injured appendage tucked against her stomach for protection? probably just a typo, but putting her paw against her stomach would be incredibly awkward. (-2) ?centering her weight forward to put it all behind the pressure of her grip and removing her left leg so it would not subtract from the weight? this honestly does not make sense, especially since removing her left leg would leave her faceplanting, because her right limb is tucked (-4). What sort of damage occurs specifically to her from the fall (i.e. bruising?) (-2) Her ?roll? is confusing; is she doing this in conjunction with her attempt to slam into him? (-3) POWERPLAYING: 0/10 ? should she still have a hold on the vulnerable area she would amplify her force as he release her paw? essentially the same thing as a conditional (-3). For her to land on the ground and then get up is a lot of movement, and it?s not fair to Oddity (-4). Honestly, in this entire post her balance would be compromised enough that she could not execute her attacks (-3). DEFENSES: 4/10 Neck scrunched, ears pinned, eyes narrowed, tail, shoulders, head lowered, balanced on three paws. compromised balance throughout entire post (-3). ATTACK: 7/10 Uses weight to knock into Oddity (+3), attempts to tighten grip on vulnerable area (+4) INJURIES: 4/ 10 -5 multiple broken toes, -1 light scratches from his claws Round Four Jupiter Total: 15/50 Totals:
Oddity: 70 + 0 (duty not applicable) = 70/200 Jupiter: 81 + 7 (for avenger) = 88/200 And the winner is...
Jupiter! Oddity must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out. Damage:
Jupiter- most serious damage done to her foot, with multiple broken toes that will take 6 IC weeks to heal. Oddity- most serious damage done to his muzzle and chest, with deep punctures/torn flesh that will take 3 IC weeks to heal. Notes:
I am a stricter judge, so please do not feel that these scores mean that you guys were terrible or anything. I usually do lower scores. Both of you did poorly with PP; don?t assume anything about the other character, and keep a close eye on realism. Be careful with the number of movements you make per post. Star, you often didn?t accurately explain why Oddity?s attacks did not hit, or why Jupiter was not knocked off balance. Sei, you often neglected to mention attempt phrases for movements or attacks. In general clarity was difficult; it was a hard fight to understand. Usually, it helps to say what position the character is ultimately attempting (i.e., an ?L? shape position, or something along those lines). Also be certain to specify where you are attacking. Both of you could use way more defenses. I know about 14, so certainly feel free to PM me and I?ll give you a list that you can work from. Both of you did will, however, with taking realistic wounds when the wounds did hit. Your uses of leverage and weight in attacks were also extremely good! Please message me if you have any questions or concerns, but otherwise the fight was fun. It was nice to see a fight that didn?t stay strictly face to face for once! |
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