I Can Explain

The pack challenge had drawn to a close, and thankfully no further fighting had broken out between the pirates and Fatalises during the battle between Kotori and the stranger. All the while Artorias had kept his eyes on Audra, making sure he knew where she was at all times. If the throng of wolves around the, descended into further chaos and violence, the Aegis was fully prepared to rush the gentle femme out of the danger zone. The relief he felt from having found her safe and sound was palpable on his expression and in his eyes, and when Audra approached him after all the excitement had subsided, she would be able to see that ease on his features. She led him away from the crowd and Art followed easily, following behind until they were a short distance away. They would need the privacy for this conversation.

Audra spoke, starting off with his name, but it wasn't said the same as it used to be. The perceptive wolf heard the shake in her lyrics, and the nervousness broke his heart. There had been a time when he remembered speaking to Audra and seeing the confidence in her, the life in her eyes and her indomitable spirit. Now, as she spoke, he heard the return of her stutter, which at one point had also disappeared from their conversations. Now it was back. Audra had regressed from how she had been and he fully blamed himself for it. If he'd maybe paid more attention to Tika, if he'd stepped in sooner to try and help them out, maybe this conversation would never happen. All the while Audra spoke, Artorias listened in patient silence, but the softness and emotional vulnerability in his eyes betrayed his innermost fears and concerns.

Audra didn't mince words. She had been too late to arrive to Abaven before it disbanded. But before she could return to the Hallows, she had met Wren. Artorias briefly turned his gaze to the russet wolf he'd only just met before focusing solely back on Audra. Wren was starting a pack and had recruited Audra to be their healer. The words stabbed Artorias in the heart, as did the realization that this would mean he was losing a wolf he loved, but he didn't blame Audra at all. No, he still squarely took the blame on his shoulders. The crushing feeling of failure wrung at his heart as he drew in a deep breath, swallowing back the emotion hard as he processed and considered his position. By all right, he could take Audra back right now. She had been let go from the Hallows under the condition to teach at Abaven, and now that condition no longer applied. He didn't have to lose her, he could still try to make things right.

But the more he dwelled on it, the more Audra's words and Avantika's words played back in his head. His sister had not been well, and her relationship had paid the price for it. To bring Audra back into that life would have been the equivalent of killing her. It wasn't fair to her and it wasn't right. Artorias felt trapped at an impossible crossroads, caught between what he wanted, what was best for the Hallows, and what was best for Audra. A choice had to be made and he had to be the one to make it. Swallowing hard again, Artorias tilted his muzzle upward, gazing at the sky while he weighed his options—but really, he knew there was no choice to be made. Traces of tears, faintly glowing teal from his affliction from the Long Night, began to appear at the edges of his fire-toned eyes. He'd tried his best, but it hadn't been enough. Now he had to let Audra go find her happiness elsewhere.

"When you first came to the Hallows, I knew you were special, Audra. I knew because Tika was so smitten with you, and it would take one hell of a wolf to win her over." Artorias gave a weak chuckle to try and mask how much this hurt him to do. He turned his gaze back down to meet Audra's gold and black eyes, a proud smile on his muzzle. "And I was right. You became one of the Hallows' most accomplished healers and scouts. You impressed me, impressed Gwyn, and left your mark on all of us. Even though you don't have our name, I consider you my sister." His smile slowly slipped from his face as he continued on. "...But now, I can see things have changed. The Hallows isn't the home it once was for you. And I know that no matter how hard I try to make it the way it was, it wouldn't be the same anymore. It isn't fair to you to force you to be where you aren't happy."

Artorias paused, hesitating on the words he needed to say but gods damn, did he not want to! He lifted one large azure paw and moved to place it atop Audra's, a final comforting gesture from an alpha to his wolf. "You are an incredible wolf, Audra. You are talented and smart, kind and loving. You deserve all the joy in life and you deserve to be somewhere and with the ones who will bring you that happiness." The corner of Artorias' lip twitched upward in a brave yet wounded smile. He was doing his best to get through this without getting too emotional for her. "For all the selfish reasons in the world, I hope with all my heart that one day your path will bring you back to us and the Hallows. But more than that, I hope you find what you need with wolves that deserve someone as extraordinary as you." Artorias gave a short nod of his head, giving her his blessing to do what she needed to do. "The Hallows will always be open to you. Go be amazing, Audra."

"Artorias Carpathius" | "Carpathian" | "Corbin" | "Eira" | "Argent"