I Can Explain

*Audra* · 08-05-2022, 06:47 AM

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Some might have called her selfish. Her ex-girlfriend had gone into a depressive spiral and Audra had abandoned her. What Avantika wouldn't tell anyone is that she had tried. The many nights left to sleep alone, the remedies made special left untouched, the multiple attempts to talk her through whatever it was that had been eating away at their relationship. Of course, they could blame some of the Long Night on Audra. She had been the one to dare barter with the man in the cloak, but she had only done it out of frustration. That man, or firefly or whatever he was, had tormented them. Had ripped out her god damn eye and gleefully given it back to her. And she had been the one to feel as if she held little beauty anymore. Her damn tongue was glowing now! She was a freak and her girlfriend had done nothing but distance herself. Why would she have stayed?

Then there was that stupid raid. Oh, ungodly, idiotic, ruthless pirates had raided. Perhaps for fun as from a distance, it did not appear that they wanted to cause any harm, but for her ex, it had been more than harmful. How was Sparrow supposed to know or even give a fuck about some girl that took guarding the castle way too seriously? Even after being begged by Audra and requested by Artorias to take a break, nothing had really changed. Sure, there were fewer lonely nights, but Audra could tell by the way she had looked out the window that she didn't want to be there. Audra was just a place holder, a security blanket, for whenever Avantika felt it convenient to give her attention. She wasn't the girl Audra had fallen in love with anymore. So why would she have stayed?

Of course, there was Artorias, Gwyn, Syanna, Fern, and Laeta. They were her friends and cohorts of the Hallows. The ones who had made her feel less lonely, who had spent time with her, gotten to know her, made an effort. Had it been fair to them for her to leave? To abandon the pack that had tried to give her a place, a reason to live? She had abandoned them all because some girl had gone off the deep end. Conflict riddled Audra's mind and frankly, her whole body. The entire time she had traveled from Auster all the way up to north-eastern Boreas, she had thought. She rolled and meddled with the contemplations in her head about what she was going to do with her future. Breaking off Avantika had been the first step. Selfish or not, she wasn't going to sit around and wait for Avantika to get better. If the girl didn't want to be helped then there wasn't anything Audra could do about it.

Abaven was supposed to have been a good thing for her. A way for her to heal and find some new life before returning. If she could get over her feelings, living at the castle wouldn't hurt so much. But would it have really done anything? Would she have even wanted to have gone back if she enjoyed teaching within Abaven? She didn't want to find love anymore. She wanted a purpose, to feel important, to know she was needed by someone. Anyone. She could feel the agony striking deep into her heart as Artorias' words began to infiltrate her eardrums. Holding her gaze steady with the Aegis, she could feel the tears begin to brim her golden eye again. Why did Art have to be such a fucking good guy? Why couldn't he have just banished her? Taken Avantika's side and said get lost?

My sister. She had never had that before. Art taking her in, with or without Avantika, had done more to heal her past than she had realized. Audra was at a loss for words. It wasn't that the Hallows, his pack, her pack, their family, didn't make her happy anymore. She was just... restless. Tired of not feeling like she was good enough to help the girl she had fallen in love with. How was she supposed to feel good about herself when she couldn't even do that?! She watched as he lifted a hefty paw over hers. She would not move as the feeling of his paw upon hers was comforting in a way as she saw him prepare to say what they both needed and didn't want to hear. In a way, she had wanted him to tell her to go back. It would have been the safer, if not more damaging for herself, path in life. She could have easily settled back in with her friends and carried on. Moved her stuff to a different room, far away from Avantika, and started new. Already missing the warm breezes of Auster, Audra knew she would visit, go back one day to at least say hello. She was going to miss all of them so much...

It was then that the tears began to flow from her eye. She could clearly see the emotion tumbling through Artorias and it took everything in her not to bring him into a sisterly embrace. Her breath hitched as her own quivering smile twitched at the corners of her lips. "Artorias," her voice is barely a breath of a whisper as she forces her eye to close for a moment. There were no words to describe how grateful she was for him to have seen her and who she truly was. No one had ever done that before. If one had asked for her life story, she would say that it was too tragic to recount. More than anything, she was proud of Artorias for his decision. It took a lot for someone as proud and protective as he was to let go of someone he considered family. "You are going to do great things in this lifetime," she speaks after a few beats of silence when she can finally bear to look up at him. "I appreciate you more than words can describe and if this new pack thing doesn't work out, you will be the first doorstep I land on," Audra smiles as she steps forward and presses her forehead into his chest. It was the best way she could think of to say thank you.

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A U D R A

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