I'm running out of patience to pretend, this isn't how I'll let it end

It felt weird being this far from the Hallows' land. It wasn't that far, in reality, and Avantika knew that she'd be back before nightfall unless something went really, really wrong. But still, the ropes tied to her heart that attached her to the castle and the pack she loved tugged painfully with every step she took. What was going on there? Was anything coming? What if she came back and -- Stop, she told herself sternly. There were other Knights -- another Vanguard, even. They could protect the Hallows while she was away for the day. She'd lost count of the number of times Art had told her that very thing. She'd expected to worry, it was in her nature, but she had gone out for a reason. It was for Art, really. No matter him telling her that she was enough -- as if that meant anything, as if she could ever believe that. She didn't think he was lying, but come on! As if there was any world in which she could just not do her duties and still be entitled enough to think she deserved a place in the pack. But still, if it would help to work on her issues, she was willing enough -- if only for the sake of being able to tell Art she tried. He might be Aegis, but it wasn't his job to worry over everyone else's problems, especially not Avantika's. She'd taken advantage of his kindness too many times.

She made the mistake of glancing back, and all of her resolve startled away. She could no longer step forward, no matter how hard she tried -- as if her paws were glued to the ground, as if she'd just run out of battery and crashed with no way to charge herself up again. Breathing became difficult through the knot that had formed in her throat. She couldn't think. Images of raids flashed before her mind's eye. The snarling. The blood. She squeezed her eyes shut, involuntarily crouching with her tail between her legs and her ears pinned back. If she was small enough and quiet enough, maybe they'd leave her alone to this cave and this hunger and this fear and... and... And she was a coward, and she was wrong, and she needed to go back and patrol and spend the night out there and maybe never sleep again and make sure her family was okay. It was all her fault. She should have fought the dire wolves that killed Resin and fought that damn guy in the cloak that had hurt Audra and... And maybe she should have been strong enough to fight those monsters that had birthed her, too. Fighting was the only thing she was good for, right? She couldn't talk and she couldn't love -- she had tried, damn her, damn Audra -- but she could fight, right? Until she couldn't, until she was away and something came and she wasn't there and she wasn't good enough to defend the only wolves that had ever mattered in her life.

She whimpered and flinched at the sound.

"Speech"