Corbie vs Kotori for PACK CHALLENGE
ROUND ONE
Kotori:
WRITING
8/10 for Power Play:
- -1 how does Kotori move to make the shoulder throw work? Remember his opponent is a good deal shorter than he is.
- -1 seems like he's attacking a front leg and also a back leg at the same time from head on, this seems like a lot of stretch given the stated position.
5/10 for Clarity:
- -1 "Kotori rushed to move toward Corbie." how is he moving toward her? Head on? At an angle?
- -1 "Kotori lined up with the intent" lined up how?
- -1 what damage is he going for with the shoulder throw?
- -1 "to aim a bite for the right leg" which right leg? Front or back?
- -1 what damage is he attempting to do with this bite? A small nip? A serious grip?
3/10 for Attacks:
5/5 for Defenses:
- +1 for flattened ears
- +1 for tail tucked
- +1 neck even w/ spine
- +1 hackles raised
- +1 shoulders rolled forward
10/10 for Injuries:
Status
12/12 for Experience:
- +6 Master Fighter
- +6 Master Hunter
5/5 for Health:
Kotori's round one total: 48/62
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Corbie:
WRITING
9/10 for Power Play:
- -1 "she pivoted her hindquarters to her right…avoided his shoulder strike almost entirely" I don't quite see how just pivoting her butt to the side would fully displace an attack to her front. Pivot implies moving around a center point which would be her front legs in this case. So they'd still be in the same spot just facing a different direction.
9/10 for Clarity:
- -1 "rising from left to right" how is she rising?
4/10 for Attacks:
- +2 bite
- +2 companion scratch
5/5 for Defenses:
- +1 center stance
- +1 head aligned w/ spine
- +1 muzzle lowered
- +1 ears pinned
- +1 toes spread
10/10 for Injuries:
- minor laceration to top of right shoulder
Status
12/12 for Experience:
- +6 Master Intellect
- +6 Master Hunter
4/5 for Health:
Corbie’s round one total: 53/62
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ROUND TWO
Kotori:
WRITING
8/10 for Power Play:
- -1 the head butt, plus turning head then also biting is too much movement. You need to give your opponent room to respond to your attacks.
- -1 "that he could press his weight into" this is getting close to an if/then. Best wait to see if a grip is achieved before stating what you'll do with your weight.
7/10 for Clarity:
- -1 "body moving backward just a fraction" how far is a fraction? this statement is kinda vague
- -1 "to bite the underside of her neck" where under the neck? A bite just under the jawline is very different from just above the sternum.
- -1
after pivoting what angle is Kotori facing Corbie? Is he facing her straight on nor or at an angle?
4/10 for Attacks:
5/5 for Defenses:
- +1 pin ears
- +1 tail tuck
- +1 scrunch neck
- +1 narrowed eyes
- +1 chin tucked
6/10 for Injuries:
- -3 severe lacerations to muzzle
- -1 minor lacerations to flank
Status
12/12 for Experience:
- +6 Master Fighter
- +6 Master Hunter
5/5 for Health:
Kotori’s round two total: 47/62
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Corbie:
WRITING
10/10 for Power Play:
9/10 for Clarity:
- -1 "the movement brought her on the wrong side of him for him to bite her" this needs more clarification, I'm not sure what this is signifying.
3/10 for Attacks:
- +2 bite
- +1 to bite for maim attempt "lacerate the muscles there"
5/5 for Defenses:
- +1 muzzle tucked
- +1 centered weight
- +1 narrowed eyes
- +1 ears pinned
- +1 head and tail aligned w/ spine
8/10 for Injuries:
- -2 moderate laceration to left cheek
Status
12/12 for Experience:
- +6 Master Intellect
- +6 Master Hunter
4/5 for Health:
Corbie's round two total: 51/62
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ROUND THREE
Kotori:
WRITING
6/10 for Power Play:
- -1 " Kotori presses forward" make sure you attempt this forward motion
- -1 "rushing in past his owner and up along Corbie's left side." make sure to attempt these movements. If Corbie moves all of this will be displaced.
- -2 only one attack per companion is allowed. A scratch and bite is two.
6/10 for Clarity:
- -1 "bite the area that is right before where her neck connects to her head." this is vague. Is it on the top, side, underside? where are the teeth trying to land?
- -1 what is Kotori hoping to acheive with his bite? is this a nip or serious damage? Make sure to state intent or your opponent could get away with minimal damage when you meant a serious attack.
- -2 what angle is the snow leopard attacking at? how is it positioned toward Corbie? all I know is its off to the left somewhere
5/10 for Attacks:
- +2 bite
- +1 leg wrap
- +2 snow leopard scratch
5/5 for Defenses:
- +1 lowered center of gravity
- +1 toes spread
- +1claws gripping earth
- +1 ears pinned
- +1 neck aligned w/ spine
7/10 for Injuries:
- -3 for serious laceration to neck
Status
12/12 for Experience:
- +6 Master Fighter
- +6 Master Hunter
5/5 for Health:
Kotori’s round three total: 46/62
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Corbie:
WRITING
10/10 for Power Play:
9/10 for Clarity:
- -1 "his lower jaw in her mouth from underneath" how does she intend to position her own jaws to catch his? She could accomplish this in a few different configurations
6/10 for Attacks:
- +2 bite
- +1 maim attempt for bite
- +2 companion bite
- +1 maim attempt for companion bite
5/5 for Defenses:
- +1 centered weight
- +1 lowered center of gravity
- +1 spread toes
- +1 claws gripping earth
- +1 neck aligned with spine
5/10 for Injuries:
- 0 minor scrape to right shoulder, wolf claws are to dull to lacerate
- -2 moderate lacerations to left thigh
- -3 severe laceration to left hip
Status
12/12 for Experience:
- +6 Master Intellect
- +6 Master Hunter
4/5 for Health:
Corbie’s round three total: 51/62
Totals:
Kotori: 141/186
Corbie: 155/186
And the winner is...
CORBIE! Kotori must give up by either submitting, fleeing, or passing out.
Damage:
All scratches, pokes, bruises and light lacerations will heal within 3 ooc days
All moderate lacerations will heal in 1 ooc week
All moderate stab wounds will heal in 2 ooc weeks
All severe lacerations will heal in 3 ooc weeks
Notes:
Good fight, both of you! Shard, you did really well for your first tier 1 fight! I don't really have much to add to this section. Specific feedback is given above in each round break down.
- By Lunarcat7
