So Much Harder To Leave

Relm would follow after Alastor as they took cover and the rains came over the lake more abundantly once they were inside. Relm was nearly overwhelmed with a not so new tension as Alastor joined beside her because she wanted nothing more but to wrap herself into him. And it may have not been so bad of a thought. It was easy to indulge in him, to be physical with him. Sexual desires or just wanting to be held by him she found herself the complete opposite of how she was the day Alastor had killed Kefka. Her repulsion to being touched by others was completely flipped when she was with him instead holding a yearning to be completely surrounded by him. And the emotional state she was in didn't help subside those feelings. But she would never ask of it. He knew that. As easy as it was for her to fall into him, it was hard for her to initiate. She didn't want him to see her so desperate, to see those deep unspoken emotions that he felt without words. Because he could tell that she may not have been wholly satisfied. That she'd always want more of him. But without words, maybe that made her feelings untrue. That they were just as they could be away from Manea and nothing more. It was meant to be this way.

She was hoping the rain would divert from the way she reacted, that had they retreated here into the den he would forget but that was a silly foreshadowing. She knew better but she did just want the way she felt to disappear. She wished it were that easy. She was embarrassed and guilty, because every time, every day she was with Alastor it festered and brewed. "I know." she responded, knowing that Manea would... always be between them. And in a sense, she would always be between them. As far as always would take her. "I've made promises to Manea too, Alastor." She'd do everything to keep Alastor just where he was. For him, for his family. As much as he may have cared for her and she knew that, she saw herself as at least replaceable in his life. Replaceable by those he already had. It was a part of her lack of self image that he may have already seen. And she'd never see herself the way he did.

She stayed just where she was sitting beside him no matter how much she urged to pull him around her, looking down at her paws as one shuffled slowly over her leg with that subtle anxiety that was prominent inside of her. And added with some frustration and irritation. Expectation. She didn't react much as he chuckled, offered up a silly solution. One she may not have been so fond of herself. But she did think back to not long ago after Manea had Fiametta, and how she had licked across her lips in the aftermath of their hunt. A similar physical feeling she had felt with Alastor and yet so clouded by the way she felt about Manea. "Is that... something you want?" She questioned seriously, much more seriously than his joking tone. Because the thought had come across her mind if only in this moment, "Would that make Manea..." Like her more? Accept her more? The two of them had at the least tolerated each other. Relm didn't dislike Manea, and she very clearly saw herself as no match to her. But as it was, she wondered if trying something like this would help those feelings fade away. Like maybe she'd see herself more equal or it would break that tension that Alastor had said out loud.

"Relm"