In Too Deep
Rowan + Lucian
09-02-2022, 12:07 PM
There was a lump growing in Rowan’s throat that he didn’t have a name for. He wanted it to be anger, he was so used to choking down anger that it came as easily as breathing. But no, if he was angry at anybody right now it was only himself. Guilt stewed in his chest, thick and viscous as tar and dripping through his veins with every beat of his pounding heart. To top it off, his mouth had suddenly gone incredibly dry, making talking even more awkward than it already was. Rowan just laughed and shrugged, flippantly masking his racing thoughts and twisted gut with forced casual body language, shoulders loose, head tilted to the side just enough that he didn’t have to strain to look at him. That was Lucian alright. Not just any drowned rat, but his drowned rat. Not that Lucian belonged to him, anymore. Not that he should. Right? “Lucian is good enough, then,” he said. He wanted to say, I’m glad you’re not dead. He wanted to say, I looked for you. If anything, Lucian should hate him now, or- no, probably he should’ve hated him all along. Whatever they’d had, whatever they’d ever been, he’d probably only gone along with it because he had to. Now that both of them were nobody, Lucian should have been laughing right in his face. Karmic justice, or whatever. “Either way, you can’t use ‘Rowan,’ that’d just be confusing,” he grumbled, unable to make the weak joke sound lighthearted. |