A Phantom Memory

Áskell settled down in front of the bonfires as they were lit, his fur still standing on end as if he were freezing. There had been a number of unsettling happenings since he joined this festival and he hardly knew what to make of them though he guessed it had to do with the activity of spirits. Ari had taken him aside and told him a few stories of the types of spirits that roamed the earth and that during certain times of the year they became much more active. Many of the spirits he was told about could be tricksome or even dangerous but apparently the spirits of loved ones could cross over as well.

Áskell gathered a few leaves and tossed them into the bonfire, listening as they crackled and vanished. His memory had started coming back this season. Visions. Flashes of wolves that he could name and that he had once known but had little emotional connection to beyond the logical fact that this was the face of his father or the face of his brother. There was no mother that he could recall though Ari had told him a bit more about his past. He did find it curious that the macaque was so guarded but he hadn't bothered to press, knowing there wasn't much he could do about his situation anyway.

As the evening had worn on though the emotions started churning away in his stomach. He remembered the long, dark night. He remembered hearing voices and he was certain it was during this time that he lost both his brother and his father. A feeling of unfairness stuck out to him. It was no passing of old age, nothing calm or peaceful but a terrible way they'd both gone and it made him feel angry. Áskell kicked more leaves into the fire and growled lightly to himself, his tail twitching as he watched the leaves burn into nothingness. He tried to push his mind, trying to remember details but they weren't coming to him. He turned his thoughts to happier memories, trying to suss them out from the dark that held so much of his mind imprisoned. He could remember a few, snuggling with his brother as their father told them ghost stories. It made his heart ache.

Áskell got to his feet and strode off away from the feast for a bit. He wasn't sure where Ari had gone but he wondered if there was a way to speak to his father or brother on this sort of night. If there was a way for them to visit, if he could just see or speak to one of them one more time maybe it would trigger the rest of his memories. But how did he do that? Surely there was some way. He'd never been a really spiritual person but what would it hurt to try? He stalked back to the bonfire and dropped his satchel to the ground. He had a few candles left, small and simple ones, not the bejeweled one he'd gifted to the familiars for their altar.

Once he dug them out he set them up near one of the stones, off to the side so that the light of the candles could be seen from outside the stones. Now to light them. He picked up a twig and walked back over to the bonfire, tilting his head so one end of the twig would catch fire. Once he was certain it was lit he moved carefully back to the candles and lit them. There were two. One for his brother and one for his father. He moved so that his body was blocking the breeze, just in case the wind picked up. What next… what next…

Áskell took a deep breath and let it flow softly from his nostrils before opening his eyes and focusing on the candles. He looked up, out into the darkness of the steppes then back at his candles before calling tentatively out into the darkness. "Brother? Brother if you're there, please… give me some sort of sign?" It was with a heavy heart he realized that while he could recall his brother's face he didn't know the boys name. He wracked his brain, staring back at the candle for a moment before closing his eyes and doing his best to focus on that thought, that memory. How could he not remember his own brother's name?

Grief started to well up in his stomach. Grief and guilt and he swore at himself for not being able to recall such a simple fact. He worried if he'd been a good brother. He hoped he had been and that he hadn't taken their relationship for granted but he had no way of really knowing. Tears started to well up in his eyes and he wiped at them stubbornly, trying to stop the fall so the tears didn't land on his candles.