Look How Far We've Come

Gwynevere looked out through one of the windows in the infirmary, peering out at the dark night that surrounded the castle. Ysmir was already fast asleep upstairs, but she couldn't quite manage sleep herself so she had quietly slipped out of their room and made her way down to the infirmary instead. She had thought that maybe doing some work would help settle her mind and get her to eventually relax enough to get to sleep, but even after quite a bit of time of sorting herbs, working on her stock of extracts and poultices, and generally cleaning up around the infirmary she was still wide awake. It had been a long time now since she had encountered such trouble sleeping and she was reluctant to take any of the herbs she had that would make her sleep. She thought that she was past this insomnia that had hit her both after her mother's death and the attack she had endured from Oxx, but recent events brought up old, unresolved emotions so it made these old symptoms rear their ugly heads.

While she hadn't known Briar's mother well at all, seeing the Fatalis woman so quickly wilt away and experiencing the grief around her from both Briar and her other family that were currently staying in the castle reminded her too much of seeing her own mother deteriorate. She had pushed off the thoughts and emotions of it until after Zee was gone, focusing entirely on keeping the woman as comfortable as she was able and working hard to replenish the herbs she was using to do so, but now that she had made her leave and the frequent visits in and out of the infirmary had come to a stand still, she was left alone in the quiet ward with nothing left but her thoughts and regrets. She knew that was the curse of being a healer and not being able to save them all. It was a fact she had come to accept after Resin passed, but it still hit just as hard every time. She looked out toward the stars and the moon that gave everything beyond the old, slightly clouded glass a soft glow, her mind and thoughts wandering though the past and events that she usually avoided thinking about.

With a defeated sigh she turned around to start heading toward her store of herbs to see if she could find something that could ease her thoughts. As she turned she walked past one of the dividers that Resin had commissioned for her infirmary and she paused, her ears flicking back against her head as she lifted a paw to rest on the edge of it. Had her mother even seen the infirmary in its finished state before she passed? Gwynevere had still been training and honing her skills when her mother locked herself away and this had been one of the gifts that had been given to them the last time she actually saw their mom. Now that she thought back she realized that Resin had never actually seen what this came to be. For some reason that hit her harder than she expected it to and she fought against the wave of emotions as she walked across the room to a cabinet that held some of her personal stash of more rare herbs and plants—the ones she didn't necessarily want the whole pack to have free access to.

Sorting through the leaves and concoctions she had been experimenting with, she pulled out a small jar that held a mix of a few recreational herbs that at one point had been a go to in order to help her sleep. It would have been easy enough to take her herbs with her upstairs and fall asleep in her room with Ysmir, but instead she took the mix of ground and extracted herbs over to one of the cots and settled onto it, toying with the jar for a moment before she took a healthy dose of her self prescribed medicines. It was slightly bitter and slightly sweetened, but fairly pleasant since she tended to make her medicines as palatable as she could. Gwyn rested her head on her paws after setting the jar off to the side, looking off toward the nearby fireplace and watching the low fire dance within the hearth as it cast light around the room. There was so much regret for what could have been, so much longing for what could never be, lingering on her mind as the herbs slowly began to take effect, the feeling of lightness and a pleasant tingling over her skin starting to take hold.

As the drowsiness started to tug at her mind and her mint and lavender gaze started to drift closed behind heavy eyelids, Gwyn kept looking toward the door of the infirmary, imagining what it would be like to have her mother walk through it and see all of this that she had put so much work into. She had always worried that she wouldn't measure up to her siblings who took to the more knightly path, but she hoped that wherever their mother was, if she could see her now, that she was proud of what she had created here and was happy with how she was using the tools she had been gifted. Gwyn started to drift off, her mother heavy on her mind, and wishing desperately that she could see her one more time even though the staunchly logical side of her denied that would ever be possible. Her eyes closed and she drift off as the tingling over her skin intensified, the heaviness of her emotions feeling dampened and her body beginning to feel like it was floating as she fell asleep.

She wasn't sure how long she had been sleeping, but eventually she blinked open her eyes, still feeling a bit of the effects of the drug she had taken, but she suddenly didn't feel like she was alone. She assumed that either Ysmir had come looking for her or perhaps someone had come to the infirmary looking for some kind of help or supply, but when she lifted her bleary eyes she found herself looking at the familiar yellow gaze that she had been thinking of before she drifted to sleep. Her eyes widened and she wondered for a moment if she was dreaming, but even if she was she wasn't sure she minded. "Mom?" she asked quietly, clearly skeptical as she slowly lifted her head, blinking and trying to clear the bleariness out of her vision to make sure she wasn't just imagining things or that her medicines hadn't been stronger than she had anticipated.

Gwynevere | Eilwen