I'm feeling oh so full of shame

*Memento Mori* · 11-06-2022, 06:27 PM

The familiars had said that the veil between the world of the living and those who were departed was growing thin and the chance that the living might connect with the dead had interested Memento Mori greatly. She had never been one to attempt channeling the dead before but, something about this year, in particular, had encouraged the she-wolf. Meme had told her companions, Jacques and Rein, that she was heading to Boreas, to a special place in particular to try and reach family members of hers. She had no idea if she’d be able to or if she might speak to her mother, father, or someone else, but perhaps it would be worth the attempt.

Memento Mori knew exactly where she was heading. Her mother had spoken of the Weeping Woods, a land filled with willows, and the land where her grandfather had formed the pack of Dragoste. The pack had been born and fallen long before Memento Mori had been born. Meme drew in a breath as she walked through the lands, uncertain of what she was going to experience in those woods. Would she feel the pressure from her mother weighing down on her, her disapproval that Meme had gone to join a pack rather than create one of her own?

That was a fear nagging at the back of Meme’s mind as she walked through the naturally autumn-touched lands around her. Her mother would always be her mother though, and Meme had regretted that she hadn’t spent more time with the woman before things happened as they had. The femme was doing her best to enjoy the walk on the way to the willows, at least the best she could. A part of her was questioning this decision, especially as she reached the end of the boundaries… She heaved a sigh.

Was this even going to work? A flicker of doubt gnawed at the back of her skull as she padded along. Sure the familiars claimed the veil was thinning but… what if she tried calling for her kin and nothing happened? What if she was left alone? Memento Mori furrowed her brow. Maybe she should have brought one of the jackals with her. They would have been welcome right about now when her confidence was at its lowest and nothing but doubt and sadness tried to slip in over her heart.

Memento Mori made her way further into the territory, toward one of the taller willows that had a patch of flowers growing near it. She could only assume that this was a grave of sorts, perhaps her grandfather’s grave. Meme drew in a breath, sitting beside the flowers before she closed her eyes. Now, what was it she had heard about trying to summon a spirit? Meditation? Calling out to them? She could feel worry fluttering in her heart.

“I don’t know if anyone can hear me right now…” Memento Mori began. “But I am reaching out to the spirits of my kin, of the Lore and Adravendi lines… If you… If you can hear my voice, please reach out to me!” Meme drew in another breath. The only wolves she could think of that might even reach out were her mother, father, grandparents, or possibly one of her half-siblings from her mother’s first litter.

Memento Mori kept her pale gaze closed, ears perked forward as she listened for any unusual sounds around her. She wasn’t sure what she was waiting for, exactly… just something, anything, that seemed out of the normal she supposed. The she-wolf waiting, but only the sound of her own heartbeat seemed to echo in her ears. Memento Mori drew in a breath, starting to speak again, this time to a specific spirit.

“Mom…? I don’t know if you’ll show up now, or if you would even want to but… I miss you. I miss you, and uncle Ulric… I wish we had been together when I was younger… more of a family. It seemed like your only drive was to get back at the Abraxas family for the fall of Dragoste, and for taking the life of my grandfather… it blinded you to anything else… you… you weren’t a good mom, you know. But I loved you all the same. You should have been more open with your brother, and we all could have done so much better…” Memento Mori’s breath had become shaky.

“I’m sorry to say I won’t ever be taking on a pack. I won’t be holding that feud with the Abraxas until I die, either. That fight was not my fight, and I don’t think it was really your fight either… I don’t know if you’re really dead, or out there somewhere alive, but I want you to let go of what once was… I hope you can still be proud of me… but I have to live this life for myself, now, mom… I have to make the decisions I think are right, instead of living the path someone else laid out for me.” Meme fell quiet, feeling a cool wind wash over her.

…was that her mother’s way of telling her she had heard Memento’s confession?

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863 Words.

"Talk, 'Think.'

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I'm feeling oh so full of shame

Ganta

Memento Mori