I've Been Thinking, I Want You To Be Happier

Emotions are such a strange force. They can bring the highest of highs or make someone feel as if their heart is being slowly squeezed inside their chest. Andy lurches forward, the tears blinding her as she seeks to hug the stranger, hoping that this motherly woman can somehow stop the pain. The soft, quiet words that are spoken to the sobbing child feel so hollow to her young ears and she wonders how anything will ever be alright again. Her world has been shattered, the stable foundation that she has been on has cracked and fallen away, leaving the purple pup in a freefall of despair.

Tears fall, sobs racking her small frame as Andy’s grieving mind whirls around and around, trying and failing to comprehend why this has happened. She needs someone to blame, someone to scream her anger at until her throat is raw and her lungs ache as much as her soul does. Short legs hang onto the gray woman, using her as a lifeline as emotions crash into the pup again and again, tossing her underneath the surface of reality until she is uncertain what is up and what is down. She needs someone to blame and, in her desperation, the pup’s mind latches onto… herself.

Surely it is her fault, she did or said something that made her mother leave the family. There is no other way to explain it and no one to blame but herself. Andromeda presses a little harder into this stranger that she brought into the living world, her one desire for a mother’s hug coming true but not from the mother she wanted. Hopelessness slams into her tiny chest as she turns over every moment, every word spoken between her and her mother in search of where she went wrong. The tears eventually lessen and the sobs settle to the point that she can hiccup out her questions as she clings to the motherly wolf.

A paw moves to the back of her neck and the reassuring movement against her fur has her body relaxing against Andy’s will. The stranger’s words feel empty to the grieving girl as she ponders how her mother could love her so much and yet leave her. But the stranger continues to talk and Andromeda listens as the sobs dull down to become soft whines that only happen every now and then. At least the woman understands how unfair this is, how utterly and completely soul crushing it is to her small world. A kiss on top of her head has a soft whine escaping as more tears spill from her closed eyes and she listens to how it isn’t that bad on the other side.

Now, Andy does not know where her mother went but, if this lady says it is so bad than maybe Zee is happier there. She feels the motherly wolf shift backward slightly and the pup turns her head to look upward and capture the mismatched blue gaze with her own red, swollen, and puffy pale blue eyes. All she can do is nod to the lady’s question, gaze drifting away from the stranger’s face as Andromeda tries to understand how she will ever be happy again. But, if this lady says that Andy’s mother will be happier knowing that she is happy then the purple is going to try with all her might to be happy.

For a moment, Andromeda feels old, her mere months alive overshadowed by everything that she is being forced to come to terms with and accept. The pup releases a sigh, allowing the sobs to completely stop while she slowly relaxes her hold on the stranger. Finally she properly looks up at the lady and the forlorn pup softly says, “I don’t want her to be gone. I want her to hold me and kiss away the fear while saying everything will be okay.” Her voice cracks on the last world but Andy swallows back the sobs that try to take hold to say, “I want her to look into my eyes and say my name. I… I would give anything to hear her voice one more time.”

Eyes drift down to the soft grass that ripples with each breath of the wind and Andy whispers, “Don’t leave me yet…” Pale gaze suddenly darts up to the stranger’s eyes as she adds, “Please.” This plea is for the gray woman, the hurting pup having found some comfort in her arms and she doesn’t want have the older wolf leave, not yet. A thought occurs and the pup quickly says, “My name is Andy… Andromeda. My name is Andromeda Fatalis.” Now that she knows her name they are surely bound together by some unseen force that is stronger than them both.

A deep wariness that goes far beyond her physical body begins to tug at the pup and her eyelids begin their downward march as sleep pulls at her. Eyes suddenly spring open, panic written in every line of her face as her small heart pounds furiously in her chest. Searching the gray woman’s face, Andy fearfully asks, “You’ll be here when I wake up… right?” No matter the lady’s answer, sleep will not be ignored as the pup eventually drifts off into a fitful slumber.


"Andromeda Fatalis"