midas

Suddenly a low growl was heard throughout the grove. A growl that almost sounded... familiar? But no, it couldn't be true. The world wouldn't actually give Avantika what she wanted; it never had and why would it be different just because she wanted it so badly now? She was desperate and her mind was playing tricks, that was all. How different did different wolves' growls sound anyway? It could be someone growling at her, she suddenly realized, and sprang into a defensive position, eyes narrowed now instead of wide but tail still pressed against her stomach.

Only one dark figure remained, facing her. It wasn't monstrous or grotesque; in fact, it actually looked a lot like the real Resin, but swathed in glowing light when the moonlight hit her and translucent. She looked like what Avantika would expect a ghost to look like. And she said her name so gently that Avantika just had to un-defend herself, looking at Resin in her warm, warm face with wide again eyes. They were nearly the same height now.

How could she explain everything she had become since Resin's death? "Resin -- Mom, I..." She trailed off, then took a breath and began again. She could do this. It was Resin. "I've actually been doing better now than I was, if you can believe me. I just... I work a lot, right? And a while ago, I basically spent a whole season just patrolling and training and doing nothing else. Not talking to anyone, not helping out around the castle, not anything. And that went on for a while until Art stopped me and made me promise to stop. But I snapped at him a little bit and I still sometimes think he doesn't see me like he used to. Like I tried so hard to keep everyone safe, but I forgot how to be their friend in the meantime and I can't be both. I just can't be both."

"I was scared. I'm still scared," she confessed. "There was a raid. It was unexpected, sudden. We won pretty damn easily, " she smiled a little. "but there was a while where I couldn't not be on patrol for even a moment without nearly going insane with the thought of it happening again and going badly this time. Hallows wolves getting hurt, killed even, all because I decided to take a break."

She knew now that that wasn't true. The Hallows had other warriors who could protect the pack without her -- which didn't mean she wasn't also important, she always had to add that in order to veer away from another kind of spiral -- and Art had told her plenty of times that it was okay to take a break. But she hadn't thought like that then.

"Speech"