Face to Face With Your Demons

He was not a man that usually allowed himself to be raw and unfiltered. Yes, the fact that he was impaired in many ways and forced to look his own actions in the face helped to rip down the walls he tended to keep up around him, but even still he didn't enjoy being in such a vulnerable state. It took a lot for him to get to this place where he currently was, actually admitting fault in himself and pleading with this woman who was showing him a grace and kindness that he didn't deserve. When she didn't respond right away to his pleas to let him to try to mend what he had done, he felt a pang in his chest that he wasn't used to or ready for. A longing, a loss, a strained regret and fear that he had already gone too far. He didn't respond as she returned to her work to clean up his wound, telling him that the wound would scar but that he would heal. In a way this felt like his scarlet letter that he would carry for the rest of his days, but maybe that's what he deserved. He had a bit of comfort in the knowledge that the reason behind these scars would hopefully stay between him, Ikigai, Alastor and likely Manea, but they would be there none of the less and he would always know.

His singular gaze fell back to the stone floor under his feet while she continued her work, holding still and waiting for the sharp stinging from the touch of her rag to pass. Eventually it did and she lowered again to place the towel on the edge of the now bloodied bowl. He glanced toward the clay pot that she dipped her toe into, not questioning her as she proceeded to cover the lacerations in what felt like a thick, soothing balm. There was still no answer from her for a long, painfully quiet moment as she worked, but eventually she did speak, telling him about the importance of family and how becoming his mate had made them family. The fact that she still viewed him as her mate still baffled him, but at this point he would rather just accept the blessings that she had decided to give him rather than continue to question her on them.

That was all she told him and he pondered those words quietly as she finished applying the substance to his face and proceeded to cover one side of his face with bandages. It kept his eye closed, but in a way that was a relief and it kept him from being tempted to try and open it. As she eventually continued about her view on him being his family and sat back to inspect her work, his single aqua eye lingered on her, silent and contemplative as she expressed how she would protect him and would always put his best interests at the front of her mind. He understood the point she was making before she outright mentioned her need for him to protect her in return and his ears flicked a bit with the lingering regret and shame he had for his actions. If she hadn't handled all of this with such grace and kindness and with such a willingness to come back to him regardless of the fact that she had every right not to then maybe he would have felt differently about the situation, but he was seeing a different side of Ikigai in this moment—a side of her that was proving to him that strength wasn't only a physical trait. She was no delicate flower as he had originally thought. Perhaps there was more that he could learn from her than he had expected.

As she finished with her mention of the lack of love in their relationship and the need for them to honor one another, Deimos was quiet for a moment, holding her mercuric gaze before his eye drifted down to where their paws sat close to one another on the floor of the cave. Her delicate, dexterous digits sitting in stark contrast to the massive, clawed, bear-like paw of his own. "I will," he rumbled after a moment, bringing his gaze back to hers. "I promise I will protect and honor you. I... I don't know if I see the better man that you think I can be yet, but for you I want to be that man. It's what you deserve." He resisted the desire to reach out to her again, understanding that his touch was likely not what she desired in that moment. It was understandable, but it didn't stop him from longing to replace every memory and touch that he had given her the night before with better ones. He pulled himself to his paws with a bit of effort, having to stand for a moment to steady himself before he started to slowly move across the den to where their bed was, collapsing onto the thickly piled furs with a heavy, tired sigh. He lifted his eye back toward her again, an invitation to lay with him while he rested lingering on the tip of his tongue before he grit his teeth and lowered his head, resting his head on his paws while exhaustion started to pull him under.

"Deimos Medacium"