Now Look What You've Done

She was taken off guard when Manea grabbed her face to get her to look up at her, but it wasn't in her to flinch or pull away, or act like she was scared. Something Manea may not have known about her. It wasn't really a thought if she feared something as far as death, but this wasn't the case now. She didn't though, to an extent and reasoning she hadn't even shared with Alastor. But she wasn't scared if Manea hurt her, maimed her, the marks Alastor left on her body alone showed for that. She did come to look at Manea, if only for those couple moments. Her expression, her eyes, dull and near lifeless. As if she didn't have anything left to feel if only for the night.

As Manea went back to speaking, her gaze drifted back down towards the floor of the den again. The words hurt her, again more than she would show in the moment. She had known at least to some point that she hurt Alastor getting him to leave, but she had to. Hearing Manea going back over what she hadn't seen or known, she felt a stabbing straight through her heart. Still she kept that calm, dead exterior but it was building up underneath. Save for a few twitches in her cheek she was as flat as anyone could be, "I don't..." She paused, completely held that part in because to Manea, and even if she were Alastor, it wasn't something she wanted to show. But she didn't have that luxury, as fucked as the situation was still a luxury. Alastor staying with her during their short fall out had been that tipping point for her almost. It was almost everything she had wanted. It was easier to keep those emotions aside and keep living that second life beside him before then. But now she was broken because of it. What transpired tonight hadn't helped.

It was then the completely busted down into tears, almost like a switch going off in her head. She could have said that there were no more tears to give tonight before Manea came here, but she was wrong. It was more evident how she avoided Manea than she had been with just her gaze away from her before. A usual show from anyone wanting to hide those strong emotions especially when they were being let out. Embarrassed, ashamed, certainly no way Manea had seen her before. "I will never have what I want with him. I'll always be stuck right here. I'll always be behind you and your family." Something she had long come to terms with, something she at least believed in and had no qualms with that Alastor's family would be above her. Things would be different to her if he and Manea didn't have kids. She spoke between hard breaths but only when she knew she could get the words out clearly. As the time passed it was easier to restore herself but there was still more emotion in her than when Manea had first come to the den. "I still stand by what I've told you, but it won't be enough. I need to keep us as detached as I possibly can. I don't know how much more of it I can take." She'd look back up to Manea with those damp eyes and cheeks before asking, "Please leave Irilyth out of this. I'll take her punishment."

"Relm"